One Thing I Know
by EmW05
Summary: Lucas finally falls for the girls of his dreams, but she has secrets. Will everyone come clean before its too late? Whole cast(NH,JP) and newchara(Madison)
1. Whispers

**One Thing I Know**  
Cake "I Want To Love You Madly"  
I don't want to hold back  
I don't want to slip down  
I don't want to think back to  
The one thing that I know I  
Should have done

I don't want to doubt you  
Know everything about you  
I don't want to sit  
Across the table from you  
Wishing I could run  
  
**Chapter One...**  
"Whispers"  
Coldplay  
Night turns to day  
And I still have these questions  
Bridges will break  
Should I go forwards or backwards  
Night turns to day  
And I still get no answers  
  
It only made sense. You can only be around someone for so long with out beginning to have feelings for them. I never would have expected it to happen to us. Things changed, we got older. We turned into what we had always hated. I turned into my worst enemy. I cringed when I thought of what I was getting myself into, but once I was there, you couldn't wipe the smile off of my face. I never wanted it to happen to me. What happens when the one thing you never wanted was the one thing you can't live with out?  
  
"Two more hours. I really don't think I can take that much longer." I said, staring out the window, longing to be outside doing anything other than what I was currently doing. I ran my fingers through my straight strawberry blonde hair and placed a pencil behind my ear.  
  
"You sound so desperate. It's almost like you hate school." Peyton Sawyer sarcastically said with one eyebrow raised. She let out a light laugh and slowly turned to Nathan Scott. "Is it official?" The curly haired blonde asked the dark haired basketball player.  
  
Nathan shook his head and shrugged his shoulder. "Official?" He questioned her. Peyton rolled her eyes. "Haley, You. What's up?"  
  
I felt my stomach begin to tie in knots. This happened every time. I played it cool. "Yeah, Nate, what's up with that? When did she come into the picture? She doesn't seem like..."  
  
Before I could continue, I was interrupted. "Not like it is any of you business. What I do in my spare time, definitely doesn't concern you rumor spreaders." He picked his books up off the floor and threw a ball of trash into the garbage can.  
  
"Three." Haley said as she walked into the classroom and casually took a seat next to Nathan. My stomach tensed up again. "Hey guys." I tried to give her a fake smile. "I just finished my last final and was hoping that you all wouldn't be doing anything." Haley James and Nathan's relationship was fairly new. I am sure that is why it gets to me the way it does. Nathan and I have known each other since kindergarten and it killed me to know that he was with her now.  
  
"You hoped right, Hal." Nathan winked at her and I thought I was going to puke. I could hardly stand to be around her and don't get me wrong, Haley really was a sweet girl, but when she was with Nathan I got insanely jealous.  
  
Preparing to think of an excuse, my thoughts were interrupted with the perfect person, Lucas Scott. Half brother of Nate and an amazing listener, Lucas had been there for me a lot lately. "Madison, can you come out here for a minute?" I nodded and walked outside the door.  
  
"What's going on?" Lucas didn't say anything, "Lucas...Really, what's going on?" He slowly lowered his head. I waited impatiently for what was about to be said.  
  
He finally spoke, "I talked to Nathan." He scratched his head that was still lowered. He continued looking at the gray tiled floor. "I don't..." He paused, "I don't want to hurt you Madison and I am scared that what I am about to say... will do that to you. You mean more to me than that."  
  
I put my face into my hands, sighed, and then looked up, "Lucas, please, just tell me. I can take it. You know me." If I had it over to do, I wouldn't have told Lucas to tell me. What was about to be said would change everything I thought and imagined.  
  
"Nathan and Haley..."  
  
"Please, Lucas, you are hurting me more by not telling me."  
  
"...they got married."


	2. Times Like These

**Chapter Two...**  
"Times Like These"  
Jack Johnson  
And there has always been laughing, crying, birth, and dying  
Boys and girls with hearts that take and give and break  
And heal and grow and recreate and raise and nurture  
But then hurt from time to time like these  
  
Sleeping was difficult since talking to Lucas. Nathan, married. Haley, I really and truly thought she had more common sense than that. Guess I gave her more credit than she deserved. I was in shock. I didn't talk to anyone for a week. They had to know something was up. It would be so much harder to be around them now. To my surprise, Brooke was the first one to call. Summer was really here. Tree Hill was the picture of perfection this time of year. The way the butter sun hit the trees as if it were being spread right on. In my mind I was in Seattle. Dark, dreary, and full of bad grunge songs about loss. I didn't even look the same. Looking in the mirror was like peering at someone I didn't even know. I felt like an alien in my own body not knowing the person that was inside me. My hair was darker, my skin was lighter, and my heart was broken. The last thing listed affected me the most.  
  
My phone rang 5 and a half times before I finally decided to answer. I had only showered twice in a week's time so my hair was matted together in dreadlocks a la Jamaican chic. An oversized concert tee covered my petite yet muscular frame. Rolling onto my side and mumbled into the phone, "Hello?"  
  
"Okay. Just listen to me Madison. I know you are..." I interrupted before the voice could continue. It was Brooke Davis. Even thought we were so different we did have one thing in common, we knew how to stand up for ourselves and take anything. That's why we were friends, and probably the only reason we got along.  
  
"A simple, 'Hey Madison glad to talk to you since you have been MIA for a week' would have worked nicely." I sarcastically said as I rolled off my bed and onto my carpeted floor. Looking into the mirror I said, "Sucks... doesn't it?"  
  
"What's that?" Brooke asked. I know she was being sincere, but it seemed like such an obvious answer for the both of us considering what we had both been through with the Scott boys.  
  
I lowered my head and slowly raised it back up. "Having your heart broken and them not even knowing to happened." I walked into my bathroom, turned on the shower, and heard Brooke sigh. "I was so stupid. So many chances just slid right passed me, and I didn't even realize it. I never wanted to feel like this Brooke."  
  
"No one does Madison. People don't ask to get there hearts broken. But it happens and it's going to keep happening. You won't be the first, and you won't be the last."  
  
"How many other girls' do you know whose best friend who they were in love with got married and you didn't even know what was going on?" I tested the water to see if it was suitable to get in. "I sure as hell don't know any."  
  
"Get in the shower," Brooke said, "Meet me at Karen's in thirty. I'll be at the table waiting."  
  
"Love you."  
  
"Love you too."  
  
I turned the phone off and got into the shower. She was right about one thing; people definitely don't ask to get their hearts broken. If they did, they deserve the feeling. 


	3. Split Screen Sadness

**Chapter Three...**  
"Split Screen Sadness"  
John Mayer  
All you need is love is a lie cause  
We had love but we still said goodbye  
Now we're tired, battered fighters  
And it stings when it's nobody's fault  
Cause there's nothing to blame at the drop of your name  
It's only the air you took and the breath you left  
  
While walking into Karen's, I felt like I was on trial. Of course I had had this many people looking at me before, especially when Brooke and I were together, but I had never gotten these looks before. They were looks of disgust. I sat down in the booth across from Brooke, placed my aviator sunglasses atop my head and leaned in toward Brooke, "What's going on?"  
  
Brooke lifted her coffee cup, took a sip, and looked at me. "Lucas called me." She ran her fingers through her dark hair. "Someone started a rumor." Staring at the table, she continued, "He said when you didn't come back to class Friday, people started talking." She paused, "It isn't just you; it's me too. People are saying that..."  
  
"Damnit Brooke, what are people saying? I can take it. Tell me." I demanded leaning closer and closer to her so she was forced to tell me. Then it all came out at once. Like a bomb going right out of Brooke's mouth, onto the table, and into my ears.  
  
"People are saying that you're pregnant with Nathan's baby and I am pregnant with Lucas' baby and that we are both keeping them just to hurt them. They are saying you are going to try to break up Nathan and Haley and that I am just trying to ruin everything." She said it all so fast. It was out there. I wanted her to pick her words back up and put them into her head again.  
  
My head hit the table and tears filled my eyes. Then I remembered... I was strong. "Pregnant? Couldn't they think of anything better?" A smile crept across Brooke's face. I could read her like a book. We were going to get back at everyone. We were going to be bad. That night we called Peyton. She was on her way to Nathan's apartment for a "Congratulations Married Couple" sort of deal. She was on speaker phone when we called and Brooke and I both made gagging noises when she explained the party. We cringed at the thought of playing nice with people who were playing dirty.  
  
If we were going to get back at everyone, we had to look exceptional. Brooke and I had the type of parents to throw money at you, therefore whatever we wanted, we got it. Brooke wore dark jeans with black stiletto heel pumps and a black and pink lace camisole. I had on a white linen skirt and a turquoise knitted tube top with a white jacket.  
  
Receiving the expected reactions at the party, Brooke, Peyton, and I nonchalantly walked up to Nathan and Haley. Brooke did most of the talking. "Guys, we are just so happy for you." She hugged Nathan and then began talking to Haley. "I know we haven't been such good friends in the past, but hopefully your husband will let you get out some nights to go with the girls." The sound of husband made me almost pass out. Peyton must have known because she immediately put her arm around my waist. So far the plan was working, they thought we were sincere.  
  
"Ya know, I was really hoping you guys would be supportive and I am so glad that you are. I don't know what I would do without you all." Time for the corny group hug. I leaned in and tried my hardest not to vomit out of nervousness. Haley looked me in the eyes and said, "How have you been feeling?"  
  
She must be talking about my pregnancy. She obviously didn't know Nathan was the supposed father. I looked at Brooke, she nudged my leg. "Good. I guess." I gave myself a minute. "As good as I could be under the circumstances." I gave her a smile. I was telling the truth about something.  
  
I looked down at Nathan's hand and felt myself getting sick again. Oh this would be great, I thought to myself, everyone already thinks I am pregnant. If I run into the bathroom puking everyone will be 100% sure I am pregnant. I held myself back. Finally Lucas entered the room. His blonde hair and tanned skin stood out from the rest. He found me and began to walk over. His hand landed on my thigh. "You okay?"  
  
I shrugged. "Trying to be." I replied. "Everyone seems so oblivious." He put his arm around me and pulled me close to him. I rested my head on his shoulder. He ran his fingers through my hair. I looked into his blue eyes, "You know I'm not pregnant right?" He let out a light laugh and nodded. "Luke, I really messed up." Tears swelled in my eyes.  
  
One lone tear dripped down my face. Lucas wiped it away, "Madison, I hate this. I hate seeing you like this. I know how you are. You can't pretend around me. You're hurting and it is killing me not being able to do anything for you."  
  
I watched Nathan and Haley glide across the room hand in hand. Part of me longed to feel the same. So happy you could float on air. I hoped and prayed that someday I would be able to feel that. To love and to be loved. I picked up my purse and walked outside, "I'll be out here if you need me," I said pointing to the front door. Lucas nodded.  
  
Crickets. I loved the sound. It was surprisingly calming. There was a rhythm to it. One, two, one, two. I sat on the top step of the stoop when I heard the door open and saw a silhouette walk out. It was Nathan. He sat down on the same step as I, but several feet away. I watched him open his mouth and nothing came out. "So..."  
  
"Don't pretend like you have nothing to say to me Nathan Scott. We have been best friends for years." I rubbed my forehead and closed my eyes. "I, I just want to know one thing. Why?"  
  
"Why what?" Nathan never was the smartest kid, but you didn't have to be a rocket scientist to know what I was talking about.  
  
"Come on Nathan. Getting married. I mean, seriously..." I let out a long, tired sigh. "Whatever." I got up to go back inside and get Brooke or Peyton or Lucas or someone to take me home. I turned around. "If you want to ruin your life... go right ahead. But I am not," My voice began to rise; "I am not going to be there to bail you out again Nathan. I am sick and tired of your juvenile bullshit. When I said grow up I didn't mean get married." I opened the door and slammed it shut.  
  
Nathan followed me into the house. There was no way I was going to get the last word. "What the hell what that supposed to me Madison? Bail me out? Horse shit! You never bailed me out of anything. If anything you were there with me at the accident. I was drunk, you drove me. I wasn't the one who had the wreck, it was you. I wasn't the one who screwed up my knee for season; it was you from that damn car accident. You were the dd and that's that. Did you ever think that maybe I had enough common sense to look out for myself and maybe that I really did know what was best for me?"  
  
"No!" I screamed. "I didn't because if you did look out for yourself then you wouldn't be married. If you did know what was best for yourself you would not be here right now having a wedding party. If you were smart you would have realized along damn time ago what you had. I loved you Nathan and I still do. God, this is killing me, don't you get it!"  
  
Everyone was silent. I ran out of the apartment. It was raining. It only made sense; the weather never suited my feelings until now. 


	4. Heartbreak Hotel

**Chapter Four...**  
"Heartbreak Hotel"  
Elvis Presley  
I get so lonely I could die.  
Hey now, if your baby leaves you,  
and you got a tale to tell.  
Just take a walk down lonely street  
to Heartbreak Hotel.  
  
There I was. Back at the same place that I was days before. I think Elvis said it best, "Just take a walk down lonely street to heartbreak hotel". Well Elvis I was there, the hotel was vacant. I was alone again. Lucas had called repeatedly. He was truly concerned about me and I knew that I should have answered. I did have caller id for god's sakes.  
  
"Madison, it's me. Please call me back. You need to get out. Call me when you are ready." He would say. I watched the phone from my queen size bed and waited for him to call back. I would answer this time. The phone rang and I anxiously reached over to answer. Not even looking at the caller id, I answered. "Hello?" I said, excited.  
  
No one replied. I waited for an answer. Heavy breathing was heard on the other line. Finally, there was a voice, "Hey." It wasn't Lucas. It was Nathan. "Listen, before you say anything... I just wanted to call and tell you that I was sorry about," He paused, "well about everything."  
  
I prepared to answer. So many things ran through my head but all I could come up with was, "Why?" I took a deep breath. "Not why are you sorry, but why did you do it?" I pushed my hair off of my face. "I just don't get it Nathan." I swung my legs off of my bed and let them dangle toward the floor. I stared at a picture of Nathan and me from middle school. What he said next was almost like he was looking at the same picture I was.  
  
"Remember in middle school at dances when the guys were too shy to come up and asked girls to dance?" He laughed. "I never was. You and I would dance all night long. Well until 10 when the dance was over."  
  
I sighed remembering the fun we used to have. "Yeah. You're a lot of things but shyness never was one of your characteristics." I looked in the mirror, all of a sudden, I felt like myself. "Ya know Nathan. I can't be mad at you. Don't get me wrong, I still don't agree with what you did but you have always trusted your instincts so I am sure you know what you are doing."  
  
There was no answer. Then Nathan spoke, "I'm glad you said that. You know your opinion means a lot to me Madison." He paused for a moment. "There's something that I need to ask you."  
  
"Okay?"  
  
"Are you pregnant?" I could feel his cheeks blush over the phone. "I heard you were pregnant and so was Brooke and I just wanted to hear it from you before I believed anything."  
  
I shook my head in disbelief. "And whose baby would it be Nathan? Yours? Last time I checked you had to have sex with someone to get pregnant and we have never had sex."  
  
"Yeah. I guess you're right. So Brooke's not pregnant either."  
  
I shook my head as if he could see me. "No."  
  
"Okay good. I was worried." There was an awkward silence. "There is one more thing I need to tell you."  
  
I walked into my closet and pulled out an outfit for the day. Today seemed like the perfect day to start my life over. "Shoot." I replied feeling that right now nothing could bring me down. Man was I wrong.  
  
"Haley and I are moving away for the summer. We may be back for next school year. We don't know yet."  
  
The phone slipped out of my hand and onto the floor. I felt the color drip from my face as if I were melting. I could hear Nathan's voice saying, "Madison? Hello? Are you there? Are you okay?" If I had been on the phone my answers would have been, "Yes? Hello. Kind of. No way." 


	5. Strong Enough To Break

**Chapter Five ...**  
"Strong Enough To Break"  
Hanson  
Things keep coming and I keep wondering  
I start feeling the walls close in  
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling  
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break  
Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break  
Been running through my mind today  
Scenarios to add to your hypocrisy  
No one ever takes the blame

But everyone is looking for a cure to the pain

I sat in my room, alone and upset. At that moment in time I really felt like the most idiotic person in the world. I knew how cliché it sounded but, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was ready for something to change in my life. There was no way I was ever going to stop loving Nathan, but there was a way that the love I felt for him could change.  
  
As hard as it was, I stood up, walked over to the mirror, looked at myself and said, "Now is the time." My strawberry blonde hair, which fell past my shoulders, was knotted from lying around. As I was walking into my bathroom to take a shower and clean up, my cell phone rang. It was Lucas. "Hey." He said. "I have been trying to call your house for an hour. I kept getting a busy signal."  
  
I looked at my phone, which was still off the hook. "Oh yeah. Sorry." I picked the phone up and put it back on the carrier. "I talked to Nathan and..."  
  
"How did that go?" Lucas and I had always been friends but since the whole Nathan/Haley thing, he had really been there for me. I was starting to enjoy him more than I liked to admit.  
  
I rolled my eyes. "He and Hales are moving away for the summer." Lucas said oh. "That's more than I said." I told him. "I just don't get it Lucas. Moving away? I mean could they make one more stupid mistake?"  
  
Lucas sighed. "I hate to say it Madison, but did you every think that what they are doing is making them happy? Maybe this was supposed to happen. Maybe something good can come out of this."  
  
"I know one good thing that came out of this." I thought to myself. "Lucas." I nodded my head, "Ya know Lucas, and maybe you're right. Everything does happen for a reason. This is no exception." I picked the outfit I had decided on earlier off of the floor. "Do you wanna go do something?" I paused. "Let's go to the beach. All of us."  
  
"Are you sure you are up for that?" He asked me politely.  
  
I smiled, "Right now, I am up for anything.  
  
----- A car full of teenagers was always a recipe for trouble. Especially when those teenagers included a previous love triangle, a hostile ex-best friend, and a newly married couple. We all headed to Wrightsville Beach. Wrightsville was 20 minutes from Tree Hill and full of old memories. It was the place where the girls finally defeated the boys in volleyball weeks earlier. It was the place where Peyton thought she got stung by a jellyfish, but really just stepped on an old piece of glass, and it was the place where Nathan and I shared our first kiss.  
  
Although we never dated, we were very close. We did everything together before Haley came into the picture. Now don't get me wrong, you will never meet a sweeter girl than Haley, but Nathan and she were too different. I know Nathan changed, but not enough to be with her.  
  
Brooke drove her fathers 2004 Cadillac Escalade. We all piled out at once. Lucas took my hand and helped me out. I smiled at the gesture. He winked back. Lucas made me feel good. If it weren't for him, I would have been at home balling my eyes out. But I wasn't. I was at the beach having a good time with my friends. For a moment I felt like a normal high schooler who was just glad to be out of school.  
  
I grabbed my towel out of the trunk. I nonchalantly walked toward the ocean, threw my cover up and towel onto the sand and said, "Last one in the ocean buys meals!"  
  
Once in the water, I felt arms around I waist. It was Lucas. He had the most perfect blue eyes. His smile could make anyone feel better, even me. I kissed him on the forehead and said, "Thank you." 


	6. Soak Up The Sun

**Chapter 6...**

"Soak Up The Sun"

Sheryl Crow

To win me some of your love  
  
Every time I turn around  
  
I'm looking up, you're looking down  
  
I'm gonna soak up the sun  
  
Perfection. That's what that day was to me. Nothing went wrong for the first time in a long time. Lucas and I laid on the beach all day long, occasionally getting up and getting into the water. It felt good to be around someone who made me feel so happy. I rolled onto my stomach and leaned on one elbow looking at Lucas. He was asleep. I rested my head on his chest.  
  
I opened my eyes to see Lucas' face. "Hey." He said in a tired, raspy voice. "Sleep well?" He asked me. I nodded and he kissed me on the cheek.  
  
"I didn't even know I fell asleep." I told him. I lifted my head and rubbed my eyes. I crossed my legs. "I really just want you to know how much I appreciate you, Lucas. The past week has been really hard on me but you have been there for me. That means more to me... than anything." I told him.  
  
He nodded his head. "Madison, you are so wonderful and I... you deserve the best. I just want to look out for you. That's all." I smiled a nervous smile. There was a feeling in my stomach that Luke was looking out for me but it was in a different way than what I had hoped. I felt myself falling for Lucas but if I could save myself the heartache again, I would.  
  
Lucas sat up. "What are you thinking about?" He put his arm around me a rubbed my shoulder. "You look so serious."  
  
I pushed my hair out of my face and put my sunglasses on top of my head. "Can I ask you something?" He took his hand off my shoulder and nodded. "Okay." I paused, took a deep breathe, and looked up at him. "How do you feel about me?" I felt like I should hold my breathe waiting for the response.  
  
"You're amazing. I know we haven't been that close, but I am glad we've become better friends and I am not trying to sound generic, so I'm sorry if I do. I wish you didn't have do go through all of this because I know how hard it has been on you. You're a sweetheart and I care about you a lot." I hung onto his last words hoping that there wasn't going to be a "but". It was almost like he read my mind, "But..." He paused. My whole body tensed up. He smiled. "No but."  
  
"You asshole!" I hit him on the arm. He grimaced. "Sorry! I'm so sorry. Bad shoulder right? Did I hurt you?"  
  
"No, I'm fine. It's getting better, slowly."  
  
"Oh." I looked around. Brooke was laying out, Peyton was drawing, and Nathan and Haley were in the water. "Wanna get in?" I asked him.  
  
"Race ya." He said jumping off the towel and running into the water.  
  
We ran into the water. I dove in. When I came up, Lucas was no where to be found. "Luke?" I yelled. He popped out of the water right in front of me. "Hey there." I said looking into his ice blue eyes.  
  
"Hey." He said. He was so cool. Lucas Scott oozed cool. "Madison, I have something I need to tell you."  
  
I went underwater, trying to get away from whatever it was that Lucas was trying to tell me. "Luke," I said as I wiped the salt water out of my eyes, "Can you tell me later? I have been told way too many things the past few days. I know you'll understand."  
  
He nodded. There was a sense of anxiousness in his eyes. "Yeah, no problem." Lucas smiled which made a smirk creep across my face. I laid on my back, floating in the water. Lucas' arms were under me. I looked at the sun. It was beaming and so was I. "We meet again weather." I thought to myself. "And for the second time in eighteen years, we feel the same way."


	7. Come To Me

**Chapter 7...**

"Come To Me"

Bonnie Raitt

So if you're tired of bein' lonely  
Beat up and confused  
Darlin' there is only  
One thing you can do  
Come to me  
I'll be the one who's waiting  
Come to me  
  
The stars were out and seemed brighter than ever. I closed my eyes as I lay on the beach and thought about everything. Things had been really hard, but I was so grateful that I had Lucas in my life. He made everything so perfect. I opened my eyes and looked out, into the ocean. I watched the waves slowly and smoothly reach the coast. The water looked like black velvet, rippling ever so often and then once reaching the shore turning into a lacelike froth.  
  
Lucas was asleep again. His eyes, as well as his legs, twitched every once in a while, making me think he was dreaming. I leaned over him and just watched. He was so flawless. How many girls can say that the guy who saved their life is this hott? Not many. I felt lucky to know that I was one of those girls.  
  
I pressed my lips against his forehead and he slowly stirred. He looked up at me with a coy smile. I whispered, "I didn't mean to wake you." He ran his fingers through my hair. His hand ran down my back and I felt my cheeks heat up.  
  
He slowly sat up, "Don't worry. I needed to get up anyways." He popped his knuckles and yawned. He looked at his watch and then looked up at the sky and then back at me. "I don't think this could be anymore beautiful." He said.  
  
I nodded, agreeing with him. "I have never seen the sky so bright at night. It is really pretty." I turned and noticed him still looking at me.  
  
His hand caressed the back of my neck and then my cheek. "I was talking about you." I bit my lip. He leaned into kiss me. So many things ran through my head. Part of me said "Kiss him. Do it. He is crazy about you." Another part of me was saying, "What are you thinking?" Before my lips could touch his, I pulled away. "Whats wrong?" He asked. "Did I do something?"  
  
I sighed, "You didn't do anything. It's me." I put my head in my hand and began to whimper. "What is wrong with me?" I asked him looking up with tear filled eyes.  
  
He wiped my face with his hand. "You are going through so much right now, Madison. I am not going to hold anything against you for not kissing me." He laughed. "You're not the first girl to pull away from kissing me." He smiled.  
  
"I bet I am. Lucas you have never done anything wrong towards me. What am I thinking?" I said to him. I shook my head. "I'm sorry. You are probably so tired of my problems." I looked up and then back at him. Wiping my eyes, I said, "What was it you wanted to tell me earlier? We got a little caught up in my problems again. That has a tendency to happen." I let out a nervous laugh.  
  
Lucas swallowed hard. "I just wanted to tell you that..." I looked at him intensely. "That... I think..." Before he could finish Brooke came running over.  
  
"I hate to ruin this love fest, but everyone is ready to head on out. So if you two lovebirds want to stay, well you are going to have to find a ride hope with some bum who is a little more wasted than us except he doesn't drive... he rides a bike. So if you are planning on riding Escalade... we are leaving." Brooke had such a way with words. Her dark brown hair was neatly placed atop her head in a bun.  
  
Nathan and Haley threw their things into the back of the SUV. I over heard their "I love you's" and watched them take one another's hands. Nathan led her into the Cadillac. Peyton was on her cell phone talking to Jake. I could tell by her tone of voice. Brooke motioned us to follow her.  
  
I looked back at Lucas, "Luke I am really sorry about that. What did you want to tell me?"  
  
He shook his head. "Nothing. Don't worry about it. It's no big deal." But I could tell by the look in his eyes it was a big deal. It was important to him.  
  
"When ever you want to tell me, you know where I am." I winked at him and he winked back. He placed his hand on the small of my back, chills ran up and down my spine, "I know. I'll tell you... eventually." A small smile crept across his face. We walked back to the SUV.  
  
"Come on!" Brooke yelled. "Let's go kids. Mother is waiting and she already has a splitting headache so if you don't mind..." She started the car and began to drive away. Lucas and I chased after her. She stopped the car once she saw us running. When Lucas saw she had stopped driving, he stopped running. He stood in one place. I turned around, "Come on." He walked to catch up with me. Once he was next to me, he took my hand and put his other hand behind my head. He pulled my head toward his. I wasn't going to fight this time. I gave in.  
  
When he pulled away, he put both his hands on my back and said, "That's all I had to say."


	8. Never Felt This Way

Chapter 8... "Never Felt This Way" Alicia Keys Because your arms   
  
They keep away the lonelys  
  
When I look into your eyes  
  
Then I realize  
  
All I need is you in my life  
  
Everything was going by so fast. Nathan and Hailey were running through a forest filled with blossoming trees and chirping birds. They stopped running. Nathan knelt down in front of her and kissed her stomach. Signaling a pregnancy. Brooke lay on the grass with her hands over her face. She was hiding... from Lucas who slowly approached from the background. Peyton quickly jumped into the scene carrying a single red rose. She threw the rose atop Brooke's chest. Then Peyton ran away again. When I came in, Brooke stood up, stuck her foot out, and tripped me. I fell off of a cliff. The red rose trailed far behind. Before I hit the ground...  
  
I woke up. I had broken out into a cold sweat. Lucas wiped with the shirt he had taken off, "You okay?" He asked me, very concerned. His blue eyes seemed a little dull, probably because of lack of sleep.  
  
"Yeah," I wiped my forehead, "Fine." I smiled at him to ease his concern. I pulled a napkin out from my purse. On the napkin I wrote, "I'm glad you told me that, back at the beach." He replied, "I am too. I think this summer we should see how we work out. It will be just you and me. Nate and Hailey will be gone." I wrote back, "I like the sound of that."  
  
I laid my head on Lucas' shoulder. Before I knew it, we were home. We pulled into the school parking lot. "Well guys, it's been real. It's been fun." Peyton started. We all chimed in, "It's been real fun." Everyone smiled and got into their cars. I unlocked my Ford Explorer and began to get in, when I felt a hand on my knee. Expecting it to be Lucas I said, "Can't get enough of me can ..." Before I could finish, I turned around and saw Nathan. "Nathan, what are...?"  
  
"Madison, please. I know how mad you are at me, but please. Don't just hook up with Lucas because you hate me."  
  
I shook my head and chuckled. "I wouldn't give you the pleasure." I reached for my door to shut it. Nathan pulled the door back and stood in the way of it so that I couldn't close it without ruining his future as a father. "Just let me..."  
  
Then, he kissed me. I pushed him away. "What the hell was that? You are married. I am crazy about your brother." I looked up to the sky. "Jesus, this cannot be happening to me."  
  
"Maddie, just give me another chance. I won't screw this one up. I sware. I'm sorry."  
  
I ran my tongue across my front teeth and smiled. "Do you buy those in bulk because you give them out like you have plenty to spare?" I threw my arms in the air. "What are you thinking!" I screamed.  
  
Lucas must have heard me yell because he came running over. "Madison, what's wrong?"  
  
"Lucas Scott here to save the day again. Welcome big brother. Madison and I were just talking about you. Where your ears burning? We were just discussing how she is going for you to get back at me. Isn't that right, Madison?" Nathan said, indignantly.  
  
"You bastard." I raised my hand to slap him. He grabbed it before it got close to his face.  
  
"Ah ah ah." He shook his finger at me as if I was three years old and I had just drawn all over the wall. "You wouldn't think of hitting me would you?" Nathan pointed to me and looked at Lucas. "But you were thinking of hitting this tonight weren't you Lucas?"  
  
"Asshole." Lucas raised his fist and punched Nathan in the nose. Blood pored all over Nathan's white Nike take. He reached for his nose. His hand was now a deep red. He threw a punch at Lucas and hit him on the side of the face.  
  
I jumped out of my car. "Please stop! Stop!" I stood between the two men who continued to fight. "Stop!" I screamed. Before I knew it I felt a random fist thrust into my jaw. I couldn't yell. I fell to the ground. I reached for my face. Before I could reach it, I felt my hand filled with blood. I looked up at Nathan and Lucas. Nathan was on his cell phone, "Please come. She needs help!" He yelled into the phone.  
  
Lucas sat on the ground, bruised and battered. He took the shirt he had wiped my face with earlier from his pocket. He ran it over my face. The shirt was now scarlet. Nathan sat across from Lucas with his hand on my arm. I couldn't speak.  
  
"Did you call?" Lucas asked Nathan, looking at his watch.  
  
"Yeah." Nathan said calmly. "They said it would be 5 or so minutes before they would be here."  
  
Lucas nodded. He leaned toward me. "They will be here any minute sweetheart. Just try to stay calm, but stay awake okay?" I nodded. I never thought that my perfect night could have ended like this. But then again, the night wasn't over yet. 


	9. Through The Wire

**Chapter 9...**

"Through The Wire"

Kanye West

Through the fire, to the limit, to the wall  
For a chance to be with you, I'd gladly risk it all  
Through the fire, through whatever come what may  
For a chance at loving you, I'd take it all away  
Right down through the wire, even through the fire

"Where am I?" I asked myself looking around the room. I lifted my hand to my face. My face was unbelievably swollen and my upper and lower teeth were wired together. A rush of fear came over me. I was all alone. Tears filled my eyes and I began to whimper. I prayed that someone would come into the room. My prayers were answered when my angel walked in the door.  
  
His skin was tanned and his hair, a golden shade of blonde, was a mess. "Hey there." He whispered. I smiled at him. "Okay, I am sure you have not a clue what is going on." I nodded. "Whether or not you remember last night is irrelevant. Nathan and I got in a fight. Who ever hit you is irrelevant too. You fractured you jaw and Nate called an ambulance." He continued. "I stayed in the waiting room all night. You had surgery on your jaw and they wired your mouth together to help the healing." I nodded my head because I had already realized speech was not going to be possible.  
  
He handed me a note pad. "Thank you for staying. I was getting scared." I wrote. He smiled at me and said, "I thought you would be." He looked to the door. "Peyton and Brooke are out there. Do you want to see them?" On the note pad I wrote, "Do I look cute?" He winked at me and said, "Always." I tried to smile back at him but the pain was too bad.  
  
Brooke walked in first, then Peyton. Peyton spoke first, "Oh my god! I can't believe it." She walked over to me and ran her fingers through my hair. Brooke placed her hands on her hips, "Ya know, you are so trendy. Kanye West, the rapper, had his mouth wired shut." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, "You bitch, and you always beat me to the hottest trendy." I smirked at her, not being able to decipher where or not she was serious.  
  
Lucas sat on the hospital bed with me. He kept running his hand over my head. I held his other hand. I appreciated him being there more than anything. He made me feel calm.  
  
Brooke asked Lucas, "Can she talk?" Lucas shook his head and said, "She isn't really supposed to. The doctors told me that she can write notes, but that's about it."  
  
Brooke and Peyton both nodded. "Oh." Peyton said. "I'm sorry this happened Maddie." She looked around and whispered into Lucas' ear, "Has Nathan been here?"  
  
"He was the one who called the ambulance, but he didn't ride over here with us. He went home."  
  
I felt anger swell up in the pit of my stomach. Lucas could tell. He placed his hand on my abdomen. "Do you want some ice for your jaw... or some heat? Anything?" I took the note pad and wrote, "Ice, please." I watched him walk over to the table filled with fruit baskets and flowers. It was kind of ironic that someone sent me a fruit basket. By the time I could eat solid food the grapes would be raisins. He scooped ice into a plastic baggie and wrapped a towel around it. "Here." He said as he placed the ice onto my jaw. I gave him a "thumbs up". He grinned.  
  
I closed my eyes and felt myself fall asleep. Lucas, Brooke, and Peyton must have left shortly after they realized I was sound asleep. Lucas was the first one I saw when I woke up. He was sitting in a chair diagonal from my bed. He didn't see that I was awake. There was a knock at the door. Lucas got up and let the visitor in. It was Nathan. "How nice of you to come visit. After you fled the scene last night, I didn't think you were ever going to show your face again."  
  
Nathan closed the door behind him. "Shut the hell up. You better be damn glad that Madison doesn't know you were the one who hit her." He took a seat across from Lucas. Nathan rummaged through the fruit basket. "That could fuck up your love fest." He said as he shined an apple on his shirt and then took a bite.  
  
"Damnit Nathan. I was protecting her. You were five seconds away from beating the shit out of her."  
  
Nathan pointed at Lucas. "I would never hit Madison. You're the asshole who broke her jaw."  
  
I couldn't take it. I started to stir in the hospital bed. I began to cry. Lucas jumped out of his chair and walked over to me. On the note pad I had scribbled, "Did you do this to me?"  
  
Lucas lowered his head into his hands. He began to cry. He threw the notepad at Nathan. Nathan walked over to the hospital bed. "He did Maddie. Luke was the one who did this to you. He broke your jaw. He..." Lucas pushed Nathan out of the way, "Please Madison," He was sobbing, "I was trying to protect you."  
  
Note pad was gone. On my hand I wrote, "Please leave." Both of the brothers walked out of the hospital room. I was alone again. I cried and cried. I couldn't stop. I was making myself sick. I started to cough. What was happening?  
  
Lucas came back into the room to say he was sorry. He found me passed out on the hospital bed. He pressed the emergency button over and over again. "Please help!" He screamed.  
  
A nurse came running in. "What happened?" She asked. The nurse looked at my tear streaked face. "Oh god." She paged a doctor. "Doctor Malone please come in here. Room 218, we have an emergency." She waited for an answer. Lucas stood in the corner of the room watching and praying. "Madison Carter has passed out. Possibly choked on blood or vomit on a count of the stitches." A doctor came running in and took me to the ER.

Lucas closed his eyes and fell to the ground. "Please God, please. I can't lose her." He paused and bit his lip. "I love her."


	10. I Love You

**Chapter 10...**  
  
**_Please Note: Chapter 10 begins Lucas as the narrator._**  
  
"I Love You"

Sarah McLachlan

Just you and me

On this island of hope

A breath between us could be miles

Let me surround you

My sea to your shore

Let me be the calm you seek  
  
I watched doctor after doctor pass me. Finally after hours, Dr. Malone came out "She is asking for you, Lucas." I stood up and followed him into Madison's hospital room. She looked so peaceful. Her strawberry blonde hair lay right past her shoulders. I walked over to her and placed my hand atop hers. She opened her eyes. "Hey." She said.  
  
I smiled back at her. "Hey." I pulled a chair next to her bed. "Is it okay if I stay in here for a minute doctor?" He nodded. "Just don't talk too much Madison." She agreed. I ran my hand over her hair, down her face, and rested my hand on her shoulder. "How do you feel?"  
  
She smiled. "I've felt better, but I've felt worse. How do you feel?" Her green eyes twinkled like emeralds. She took my hand in hers. Our fingers intertwined.  
  
"About?" I asked her.  
  
"Everything." She looked up at the ceiling fan and watched it move. She sighed.  
  
I let out a deep breathe and my eyes started to fill with tears. "God. I am such a girl." I said, wiping the tears away from my eyes. Madison sat up and kissed me. Her lips were soft. I felt so awful for hurting her. She was perfect. It was like she didn't even care that I hurt her. It was like she didn't even know. I knew she did. "I feel like... I am sorry for doing this to you. I feel like you are amazing. I feel like..." I paused. She looked up at me. "I feel like I love you."  
  
I felt her body tense up. Her eyes opened the widest I had ever seen them. I anxiously awaited a reply from her. Seconds turned to minutes that seemed to last ages. "Lucas I..."  
  
I was kicking my self for telling her. I was making her want to run away. "No, I'm sorry Madison. I shouldn't have said anything." My heart began to race. Adrenaline was running through my body. I stood up to leave. "I'm glad you are doing better and I... I'll see you later." I opened the door.  
  
Madison yelled out, "No, Lucas, please don't leave." I turned around to her longing face. "I'm sorry. You mean more to me than anything and I care about you so much. I don't ever want you to get hurt." She paused. "I don't want you to be with a girl I can't trust."  
  
"But, Madison I want you."  
  
"But Lucas... I don't trust myself."  
  
"Why?" I asked her. I sat next to her on the bed. "You really aren't making sense."  
  
"I'm a bad person Lucas. You don't know the real me. You know the me that you make me." She began to cry. "That's not me. I am a snob. I drink. I have sex. I smoke. I have more money than I know what to do with and I spent it on stupid things." She wiped her eyes. "I deserve to be with Nathan. He's an asshole. I don't deserve to be with you. You deserve Haley. She is perfect for..."  
  
I couldn't let her keep talking. I leaned in toward her and kissed her. "Shhh. She is perfect for Nathan." I kissed her again. "You're perfect for me." My hand glided over her hair, "And I love whatever you that you are." I winked at her.  
  
A smile crept across her face. Her eyes lit up. Then she said what I had been waiting to hear, "I love the you that you are too." I kissed her again. "Mmm." She said, "One more." My lips hit hers once more.  
  
"I think I should maybe go." I kissed her forehead. "You need all the rest you can get." She nodded. I tucked her into bed. "I'll come see you tomorrow." She said okay. "Love you."  
  
"I love you."


	11. I Have Loved You

**Chapter 11...**

"I Have Loved You"

Jessica Simpson

We filled the air with promises  
Took them up so tenderly  
But life never asks you what you want  
It's just gonna have its way  
Sometimes it doesn't give like it takes

**_Six Weeks Later_**  
  
Brooke, Peyton, Madison and I sat in Karen's Café waiting for our coffee. "I am the luckiest man alive." I said as I put my arm around Madison. I pulled her close and kissed her head.  
  
"You are pretty damn lucky." Peyton said, taking a sip of her water.  
  
"Hell yeah you are. We are three hott girls." Brooke added. "Some hotter than others." She nudged Peyton. "Ain't that right?" Brooke's dark brown hair was perfectly straight and shined when the sun hit it. I recalled all the nights Brooke and I had spent together. She was fun, but nothing was too serious.  
  
Peyton rolled her eyes, "You are so witty." Madison smirked at Peyton's comment. I watched her run her fingers through her hair. She was so beautiful.  
  
Brooke leaned into the table, "Anyone heard the latest Tree Hill rumor?"  
  
I shook my head. Madison answered, "No, but I am sure you have dear."  
  
"Well, obviously," Brooke retorted. "I heard Nathan and Hailey left Tree Hill because Hailey is pregnant and she didn't want her parents to find out." She sipped on her latte.  
  
Madison shook her head. "That doesn't make any sense." She lifted her coffee cup. "They are married. We know she they waited to have sex." She drank her coffee. Underneath her breath she said, "Unlike some people."  
  
"What did you say?" Brooke snapped back.  
  
"You obviously heard me. I said, unlike some people. Meaning you."  
  
"Why are you standing up for them? They screwed you over." She ran her long, manicured fingers through her hair. "Actually, you didn't get screwed at all, huh?  
  
"You're right," Madison said, "You're the one who always gets screwed, not me."  
  
"You know you're just the rebound girl." Now she was fighting dirty. "Lucas' been with me, Peyton and how convenient, he's with you now."  
  
Madison stood up. She stormed out of Karen's. Peyton chased after her. "Damnit Brooke." Peyton said as she ran out the door. Madison and Peyton stood outside the main window.  
  
"What the hell was that all about?" I stood up to go outside and talk to Madison. Before I knew what was going on, Brooke kissed me.  
  
"Remind you of anything?" She asked with a seductive smirk on her face. She ran her hands down my back. I pushed her away.  
  
Madison stood at the window, in shock. She saw Brooke kiss me. I watched a single tear drip down her face. "Damnit."  
  
I ran outside. Madison jumped into her SUV. "Madison!" I called after her. She started her Explorer.  
  
I jumped into my car and drove after her. I tried to call her cell phone, but there was no answer.  
  
She pulled into her driveway. I got out of my car before her. I ran up to her driver's side door. Her window was rolled down. I opened her door. The light in her car turned on. Her face was tear streaked.  
  
She stepped out of her car. We walked, silent, to her front door and took a seat on the steps leading to the porch. "Why did you kiss her?"  
  
"I didn't kiss her. She kissed me."  
  
"Why did you let it happen?"  
  
"What was I supposed to do?"  
  
"Don't answer a question with a question Lucas." She still sounded calm.  
  
"I didn't let it happen. I didn't know what to do."  
  
"Do you still love me?"  
  
"Of course I still love you babe." My speech was interrupted by a ringing cell phone.  
  
Madison reached into her purse. "Hello? Hey. Good. Yeah, it healed really well. Okay, well I'll call you back later. Lucas. Yeah. Okay, bye."  
  
"Who was that?" I asked her, reaching for the phone.  
  
She pulled it away from me. "No one."  
  
"No really. Who was it?"  
  
"None of you business."  
  
"I will make it my business. Who was that?"  
  
"Nathan."  
  
I was jealous. Madison had always had feelings for Nathan. "What's he doing calling you?"  
  
"Nathan and I have been friends longer than you and I."  
  
"So that gives him the right to call you all hours of the night?"  
  
Madison looked at her watch. "It is eight thirty. Anyone is allowed to call me at eight thirty." She looked me in the eyes. "What crawled up your ass anyways?"  
  
"Nathan." I said. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. "I am going to call him."  
  
She pulled the phone out of my hand. "Get over it." She said. "I'm over it and I was the first one mad." Her white teeth broke her perfectly pink lips into two parts. She put her arms around me and embraced me in a hug. "I was the one who was supposed to be mad here." Her head rested on my shoulder and kissed me on the cheek. "I can't stay mad at you though."  
  
"I still want to call Nathan." I watched her throw my cell phone at the oak tree in her yard. "Hey..."  
  
She put her finger over my lips, "Shh." She wiped my lips with the bottom of her shirt. "I had to wipe you Brooke goo off your lips before I kissed you." She leaned in and kissed me. I pulled her onto my lap. Her legs dangled over mine. She leaned her head in close to mine. I looked out into the sky and thought to myself, "First star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, Have this wish I wish tonight... I wish Madison's always happy..." And with that, she kissed me on the cheek.


	12. You're The Only One

**Chapter 12...**

"You're The Only One"

Maria Mena

You're the only one who  
Drags me kicking and screaming through fast dreams  
You're the only one who  
Knows exactly what I need  
Exactly what I need

See you're not what I expected  
But you're the only one who knows how to handle me  
  
I rolled over under the covers to look at Madison. She was still asleep. Her long strawberry blonde hair was pulled into a ponytail atop her head. I ran my hand over her face and down her shoulder. It's not what you think. We slept together and that is really all that we did. Madison stood very strongly to her beliefs and didn't want to ruin everything by having sex.  
  
I thought very highly of her for that. So many girls have sex with their boyfriends when they are not ready because they think that is what they want when it really isn't. I respected everything about Madison and definitely did not want to ruin anything between them for the fourth time this month.  
  
Before Madison had told me that she had promiscuious sex, but that was just so that I wouldn't want to be with her. I remember exactly what she said, "I'm a bad person Lucas. You don't know the real me. You know the me that you make me..." She had been lying to me because she didn't want to hurt me. I was crazy about her. She could never hurt me, I loved her too, too much.  
  
She slowly rolled over toward me and opened her blue eyes. "Hey." She quietly said. She kissed me on the lips and then threw her arms around my neck. She turned around so her back was against my chest. I placed my head on her shoulder. "Do you think that maybe everything happens for a reason?" She turned her head to look at me. "Like Brooke was supposed to kiss you yesterday and Nathan was supposed to call? Because if they hadn't then we wouldn't be right here, right now."  
  
The look on her face was so sincere. I nodded in agreement. "You mean like destiny?" I felt he head move up and down. "Yeah, I mean, there is definitely a higher power that makes everything happen. Everything happens for a reason." I bit my lip and kissed her on the cheek. I swung my legs off of the bed and let me feet casually touch the carpet.  
  
Madison put her hands behind her head as she still lay on the bed. "Lets go do something." She sat up in bed. I walked over to a chair in her room and picked up my jeans. Madison threw me my shirt which was under her bed. "Hey!" She screamed.  
  
My body jumped. "What?" I thought she had hurt herself under the bed. Looking under the bed with her, I asked again, "What?"  
  
"Lets... oh no, nevermind." The smile on her face slowly changed to a frown.  
  
I walked over to her and put my hands on her shoulders. "No, babe, what did you want to do?"  
  
She shook her head and walked into her bathroom. She took off her white camisole to reveal a black sports bra. I felt my body tense up. What was I doing? I was a teenage boy whose girlfriend was half naked standing in front of him and I wasn't doing anything. I watched her pull her ponytail holder out of her hair. She reached into her bathroom closed and pulled out two towels. She looked back at me, "I was going to say we could grill out in the backyard... but that is..."  
  
"A great idea." My hands were now on her perfectly cut abs. I kissed her on the forehead. "I will go outside and clean the grill." I started to walk out of the bathroom. When I turned around she was in her bra and underwear. She didn't look embarrassed at all. "When you get out, call who ever you want okay." I watched her nod and closed the bathroom door.  
  
I ran a comb through my hair and headed downstairs. Her parents were out of town and her oldest sister went to UNC so she was hardly ever home. The Carter's house hardly looked lived in. Everything was always right in its place. I turned on the television and picked up the phone once I got into the living. I dialed Nathan's cell phone number.  
  
"This is Nate." He said. He was such a cocky guy. No one else would answer their cell phone like that other than Brooke.  
  
"Hey, it's Lucas." I said into the phone. Flipping through the channels I finally stopped on ESPN. The Lakers were playing.  
  
"You watching the game?" He asked me.  
  
"Just turned it on."  
  
"So what's up? Where are you calling from?"  
  
"Madison's. Where are you?" I answered waiting for a smart ass comment.  
  
"Ohh, Madison. On my way back to the apartment. I went to the grocery with Hailey who says hello."  
  
"Hey Hales. Well the reason I was calling is 'cause Madison and I are grilling out and I was wondering if you wanted to come over and eat." I felt stupid asking a guy to come eat. I knew the answer. When a guy could eat with out paying, he was all for it.  
  
"Yeah that is cool with me. Lemme ask Hailey. You wanna go eat a Madison?" I heard her say yeah in the background. "Yeah, that's perfect. When do you want us?"  
  
"Well Madison's in the shower..."  
  
"And you are talking to me?"  
  
"Yeah, man I'm crazy about her. You know how it is... I don't want to ruin anything."  
  
"Yeah, trust me I know."  
  
I laughed, "Alright, be here in like thirty minutes."  
  
"Okay, cya then."  
  
"Later." I turned off the phone and watched the game. I heard the shower turn off and heard Madison yell, "Lucas!!!"  
  
"What!" I yelled without moving from my seat on the couch.  
  
"Come here!"  
  
"Do I have to?" I started to move my feet from atop the coffee table.  
  
"Yes please!!!"  
  
I stormed up the stairs and into her room. Standing at the door to the bathroom, she called out, "You see those towels on my bed?" I looked over to her bed and saw two towels laying atop her bed.  
  
"Yeah." I called back.  
  
"Will you bring them to me please?" I picked the towels off of the bed and placed my hand on the doorknob to the bathroom.  
  
"I'm coming in! Cover up what you don't want to be seen!" I started to open the door. There she stood... with a bathrobe on. I threw the towels to the floor.  
  
"Sucka!" She screamed throwing her arms into the arm. I wrapped my arms around her waist and picked her up carrying her out of the bathroom. I threw her onto the bed. "You should have seen the look on your face." She said laughing and mimicking the look on my face.  
  
"What was I supposed to do?" I asked her now sitting next to her on the bed. "I didn't know if it was a test or what?"  
  
She leaned over and kissed me. "Well you passed." She said in-between kisses.  
  
The kisses quickly became more passionate. I ran my hands over her face and shoulders. She did the same. She tugged at the bottom of my tee shirt and finally pulling it over my head. Her hands ran over my abs. I pulled away from her, "Are you sure you wanna do this?"  
  
I couldn't tell anything by the look on her face. It was a look of longing and passion. I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. As I grabbed my shirt from the bed I looked deep into her eyes and said, "We don't want to do this, not yet." I took her hand and led her off the bed. I kissed her once more and said, "We will though and everything will be perfect I promise."  
  
Before I left the room Madison said, "Everything happens for a reason." I turned back to look at her and winked. "Remember that." She said. I closed the door behind me and went back downstairs. I had a grill to clean.


	13. Follow Through

Chapter 13...  
  
"Follow Through"

Gavin DeGraw

With every word you say  
And I, all I really want is you  
You to stick around  
I'll see you everyday  
But you have to follow through  
  
As I stood in the kitchen of the Carter's house, I looked out their large French doors and into their enormous backyard. The sun was a buttery yellow and hit the grass a way that made it look almost lime green. The Carter family was definitely well off, having a pool, hot tub, and basketball court all in their back yard. I picked my hat off the kitchen table; under it lay a letter that I hadn't even noticed was there.  
  
Trying not to be nosy, I picked up the envelope and laid it on the island in the middle of the kitchen. The letter was addressed to Madison. I made myself stop looking at the note because of how curious I was getting.  
  
Looking into the backyard, I realized Nathan and Hailey were already here. Nathan was on the basketball court shooting around while Hailey looked on. She spoke and casually turned to me, laughing. I couldn't hear their conversations because of the giggles coming from Hailey. The fact that she was now the happiest I had ever seen her made me feel good. I loved knowing that she was happy and that I was happy. That made it even better.  
  
I heard footsteps behind me. Madison's reflection was in the glass. I pretended to not see her and began to walk out the door. She jumped onto my back. Her long legs wrapped around my waist and her tanned arms around my neck. I felt her wet lips on my cheek, "Bet'cha didn't know I was there." She said, eyebrows raised.  
  
She hopped off my back and ran over to Hailey, engulfing her in a big hug. "Some one is in the best mood I have seen in a while." I overheard Hailey say. Madison shrugged her shoulders, looking at me. She took Hailey by the hand and led her into the pool house.  
  
Nathan walked in my direction with the ball in his hands. He threw it at me. I caught it with one hand. In my other hand was a grill cleaner. I tossed it too him and said, "You're the married man, you do the house work."  
  
I took off to the court with the ball in tow. He chased after me yelling, "Isn't my house! I am the guest." I went up for a lay-up and Nathan smacked the ball away from me. The ball continued rolling until it landed at the feet of Madison and Hailey, both dressed in bathing suits. The bathing suit Hailey had on was obviously Madison's. It was multicolored striped halter top with a blue ring in the middle. The bottoms were the same design, but had two blue rings on the sides.  
  
Madison stood nonchalantly behind her. Something about her stance made me wonder if she was one of those pageant girls. The ones whose parents make them do it because they think it looks good, even though it doesn't. Madison wore a white bathing suit with multicolored polka-dots. In the middle was a pink ring, just like Hailey's. The bottoms were the same as Hailey's. Her hair was pulled into a loose bun on the top of her hair. She looked perfect.  
  
She walked toward me, took the ball out of my arms, and shot it from about three point range. "Nothin' but net." She called out, arms in the air. "So, are we just going to stand around or are we gonna do something?" I put my hands on her waist, preparing to pick her up. She knew what was going on and grabbed my shirt. "Don't even think about it Scott."  
  
"Nathan, no, please..." I heard Hailey say from behind me. Nathan had Hailey in his arms like a baby. He casually held her over the pool. He started the count, "One... two..."  
  
"Three!" Madison called out pushing me into the pool. Nathan and Hailey followed into the pool after me. Madison stood outside the pool edge. She dipped her hand into the pool, "Oh. It feels good." She looked at me, "Just not good enough to get it."  
  
I took her by the hand and pulled her in. When she emerged from under the water she looked like a mermaid. She wiped her eyes as I wrapped my arms around her waist. I swam toward the shallow end with her in my arms. She laid on her back, floating in the water. Her eyes slowly opened and looked at me, "Remind you of anything?" She asked, referring to our trip to the beach.  
  
"Yeah, but this time I won't break your jaw."  
  
She laughed, "Jee, thanks." She climbed onto my back and then onto my shoulders. "Lets chicken fight." She called out.  
  
"Oh no you didn't." Nathan said in his best ghetto girl impression, "You do not mess with Nathan Scott in a game of chicken."  
  
"You don't mess with Nathan Scott in a game of anything." I said pointing in the direction of the basketball court, "Trust me."  
  
"I can take you." Madison said. "I can take you by myself." Her confidence oozed out of her. I was so crazy about her I could barely stand it.  
  
After we battled it out for nine rounds, Madison and I came out the winners. 6-3. "I told you. I told you." Madison chanted pointing her finger in Nathan's face. "You think you can mess with me and get away with it." She was now in Nathan's face. "No. You. Can't."  
  
Nathan turned to Hailey and me. "Get her away from me before I explode." He said jokingly.  
  
I pulled her away from him as she laughed like crazy. "Nathan you are so ridiculous." She jumped out of the pool and headed into the kitchen. "I am gonna go get a drink. Anyone want anything?" She opened the door and started to go inside.  
  
"I'm fine, thanks." Hailey said.  
  
"Beer." Nathan called out. Hailey hit him on the shoulder.  
  
"He'll have some water." She said.  
  
Madison laughed and looked at me, "Anything for you my dear?" I got out of the pool, wrapped myself in a towel, and followed her inside.  
  
"I can get it." I said. Once inside I picked the envelope off of the table and handed it to her. "What is this?"  
  
"Oh," She said. She immediately changed the subject. "What did you want to drink? Lemonade, Coke, Water?" She pulled a glass out of the cabinet.  
  
"Coke, but good try. What is this, Mad."  
  
She pushed the letter out of the way and filled the glass with ice. I opened the Coke can and took the glass from her. "Nothing." She said turning away from me.  
  
She started to go outside. I took her by the arm and pulled her back toward me. Her face was serious. "Madison, please. What is it?"  
  
Her eyes began to swell with tears. "Please, Lucas, it will be easier if you don't know." She pulled her arm away from me. "I didn't even want you to find out." She opened the door to go outside. "Lucas," She smiled, "Don't worry about it. I try not to so you shouldn't."


	14. Take A Look

**_This chapter begins Madison's Point of View again. Hope everyone enjoys and thank you all so much for the reviews. I was starting to think that my first story was a complete and totally failure. You all have reassured me that One Thing I Know is not a totally waste of time!_**  
  
**Chapter 14...**

"Take A Look"

Liz Phair

I'm some kind of freak now and

You'll never see me the same

What's all the fuss about?

Are you sure you wanna find out?

Cause once you know the truth

You might wish you'd walked away

What if I'm not able,

To put my cards on the table?

And would it liberate you,

If you knew what I knew?

Part of me knew I should tell Lucas the truth, I mean he did deserve to know. The other part of me was saying, "Why would you tell him? It could ruin everything. He would get scared and leave, just like everyone else. For now, I would keep my secrets to myself.  
  
I felt a single tear drip down my face. I quickly turned away from Lucas and walked out of the kitchen and back outside. Knowing that he truly cared about me and really wanted and needed to know the truth was what killed me. That letter was killing me, literally and figuratively.  
  
No one in the world understood me like Lucas and when I came to the realization that he didn't even really know the real me... I hated myself for that. I really hated myself for what I was doing to him. Even though my parents were never home, they knew about Lucas. They had checked their voicemails enough time to have heard about him. My mother told me that I was just leading him on. On the other hand, my father, who I was more like than I had ever realized, was happy that I had found someone to share life with. He said that it was good for me to be getting out and have a healthy relationship with someone.  
  
The warm sun on my wet body felt like perfection. Lucas stood over me. "You're in my sun I hope you know." I said to him, jokingly, as I waved him out of the way. My sunglasses covered my eyes from the sun from which I was hiding. It was also hiding me from something else, Lucas.  
  
He picked up a lawn chair and moved it over next to me. "I know you don't want me bugging you about this," He began saying. I knew what was coming next. Lucas Scott was not the type of guy to let important things go. "But, is that letter something important?"  
  
I turned to him, placed my sunglasses atop my head, and said, "Lucas, don't worry about me." I rolled my head back over and put my sunglasses on. "Really, don't."  
  
From where I was laying I watched Nathan and Hailey in the pool. They had found the water guns left over from the last Poolapalooza, (which included pool, drinking, and loads of people,) and battled it out in the pool. The smile on Hailey's face could have lit up a whole room. I caught myself smiling at them, wishing that I could be like that with Lucas without being torn up inside. I sat up in my lounge chair. Lucas came over and sat behind me. I sat in-between his legs and laid back. He whispered into my ear, "I'm sorry."  
  
My whole body turned to look at him, "For what?" I asked knowing that I was the one who should be apoligizing.  
  
He wrapped his long, tan, muscular arms around my toned waist. The touch of his hands on my bare skin sent chills throughout my body. I knew that had to mean something. Normal people who had purely platonic feelings for someone didn't get the feelings I got. This was different, he was different.  
  
"For bothering you about the whole letter thing." He paused and took a long drink from his glass of Coke. He licked the fizz off of his top lip and spoke again, "If it was important, I know you would tell me."  
  
My body tensed up and he could tell. He slowly ran his hands down my arms and finally reached my hands. Our fingers intertwined and he brought our left hands to his face. He kissed the back of my hand and I turned around. "I am so crazy about you." I said, crawling off of the lounge chair. I stood in front of the chair, waiting for Lucas to get up.  
  
He got off of the chair and walked toward me. We sat on the edge of the pool, out legs dangling in. He pointed to my leg, "What is that?" He asked, referring to the bruise on my leg.  
  
I quickly moved my leg away and replied, nervously, "Oh, nothing. You know me." I laughed. "I just ran into my nightstand last night."  
  
"And that one?" He questioned me, pointing to my left arm.  
  
Running out of excuses, "Lucas... I am just a klutz and a night owl. I can't see at night, that's all." I stood up, "I need to go to the bathroom." I called out. "Anyone need anything?"  
  
"A beer." Nathan replied, again.  
  
Hailey hit him as she did the last time Nathan asked for a beer, "He is fine."  
  
I laughed, "Nate if you want a beer, go in and get it yourself. I won't tell." I said winking at him. He smiled and got out of the pool, following me into the house. I went into the bathroom near the kitchen.  
  
"Maddie, I am gonna used your bathroom, okay?" Nathan called out to me as he walked up the stairs to my room.  
  
"Okay, just don't touch anything!" I yelled back.  
  
I walked back into the kitchen and moved the infamous envelope from the kitchen table to the drawer filled with utensils. No one ever uses these, I thought to myself as I closed the drawer.  
  
Nathan came down the stairs and said, "Hey Madison." I turned around. "Come up here."  
  
I went up the stairs and saw Nathan standing in my bathroom. The doors under my sink were opened. That's where I hit them. No one ever was supposed to look in there. He pulled out two handfuls of pills, "What the hell are these?"  
  
Running over to him, I grabbed the pills out of his hands and threw them into the sink. "Nothing." I turned on the water to send the pills down the drain. "What were you doing looking in there anyways?"  
  
"I was looking for a towel." He looked around the bathroom and saw three towels on the back of my door. "Oh." Walking over to them he said, "Here they are."  
  
Nathan didn't say anything to me as we walked down the stairs. As I reached for the doorknob to go outside, he reached for my hand. "Why do you have all those pills?"  
  
Turning to him, I said, "You damn Scott boys are so nosy." I pulled my arm away from him. "Blame it on Dan right?" He nodded and I said, "Don't say anything to Luke about those pills please." I reached for his hand.  
  
"Okay." He said, "I won't." I watched him slowly walk outside. He walked over to Lucas and began talking. He looked back at me. I gave him a half hearted smile, knowing that eventually I would have to tell Lucas the truth. Before it was too late.


	15. Bed of Lies

**Chapter 15...**

_"Bed of Lies" _

_Matchbox 20 _

_Don't think that I can take another empty moment _

_Don't think that I can fake another hollow smile_

_ It's not enough just to be sorry _

_Don't think that I could take another talk about it_  
  
Growing up was hard, opposed to popular believe, I had more problems than I could count on my hands and my feet. The way everyone looked at me throughout my whole life was a look of excellence. To them my life could not be any better. Girls wanted to be me, dressed in the most stylish clothes from across the globe and hair that was an amazing color that no bottle could produce. Guys longed to be with me; my tall yet curvy figure and my tanned body was the picture of perfection. To guys I was that perfect piece of arm candy for which they longed. Parents praised me for my academic excellence, hoping that someday may be their children could reach the level of brilliance that I had attained at such a young age.  
  
On the other hand, there were my parents. My father was a stock broker who commuted back and forth between Tree Hill to New York at least three times a week. My mother, once a New York socialite, started her own Boutique in downtown Tree Hill. After the success of the first store, she opened one in Atlanta, Charlotte, Hilton Head Island, and Ferdinanda Beach.  
  
All they hoped for my life was for me to get better. As a child, I was very sick. My immune system was practically non-existent. When I was about ten I started getting very ill and no one knew what was wrong with me. My permanent nanny was clueless as to what to do with me so she finally took me to the emergency room. I could not stop sweating and yet hardly had a fever. I was so weak that Janie, my nanny, had to carry me into the hospital.  
  
I stayed there for several days while test after test were ran on me. Finally, on the sixth day, they had found something. My spleen had enlarged to twice its normal size and my white blood cell count was through the roof. The doctors kept me for another week until they finally let me go home.  
  
Enough reminiscing back to the present, I flipped through the channels. Commercials for a new season of Newlyweds, infomercials, and the occasional music video covered the television. I turned it off and went into the kitchen. Before I could open the refrigerator, I heard the phone ring. "Hello?"  
  
"Madison!" I heard a familiar voice sing.  
  
"Yea." I answered back, not having a clue who the person on the other end of the phone was.  
  
"It's me." Wow that's really going to help, I thought to myself. The voice continued. "It's Brooke." Brooke had been sort of MIA since I saw her at the hospital when she came to check on me. She only called me when she needed something and this time was no different. "Wanna go out tonight? There is this really kick ass club on the other..."  
  
"Sorry to interrupt but where have you been?" I asked her, confused at the whole situation.  
  
"Does it matter? I am here now. Where have you been?"  
  
"Quit the reverse psychology shit Brooke. Tell me the truth, where have you been?"  
  
"Listen, Madison. I didn't call to mess with you and Lucas, trust me I didn't. _I_ am happy that _you're_ finally happy, you deserve it more than anything in the world. But I called Peyton and she is with... I don't really remember who she is with, and Haley is with Nathan _as if_ I would go out with her alone anyways, but you are the only friend I have left."  
  
"So I am like a last resort, is that it?"  
  
"Come on, Madison, you know what I mean."  
  
"Fine, whatever. If you want to go out then fine, I will go, but don't plan on me enjoying myself."  
  
"Eight-thirty at my house."  
  
"Be there." I answered back, aggravated at myself for agreeing to go. I heard a dial tone and hung up the phone. Pouring a glass of iced tea from the refrigerator, I heard a noise from the front door. I turned around expecting it to be Lucas. "Hey." I said excitedly walking toward the door.  
  
Nathan and Hailey stood silently in front of me. His arm wrapped around her waist, while her arms hung loosely at her sides. I watched Hailey's shoulders droop and then Nathan looked over at her. Hailey spoke first, as usual. "I know you didn't want Nathan to tell but..."  
  
I walked closer to them but not too close. I sipped my iced tea and chewed on a piece of ice. "Obviously he did." I interrupted as I ran my fingers through my hair which was freely thrown atop my head.  
  
"Madison, I was worried... I don't get worried, but I was. I don't want anything to happen to you and I know Lucas wouldn't..."  
  
I cringed at his name knowing that eventually I would have to tell him the truth. "Please." I put my hands up as if I were pushing away his name. "Don't tell him." I said forcefully.  
  
"He deserves, we deserve to know what is going on with you." Hailey spoke with such concern. Her face looked worried and upset.  
  
"I deserve to have the right to tell him or not...myself." I began walking up to my room.  
  
Hailey's voice interrupted my step. "What about us?" She walked after me and stood on the step below me. She put her arms on my shoulders and spoke again. "Madison, you are my best friend in the world and I love you more than anything," She paused. Tears filled her brown eyes. She quickly wiped them away.  
  
"Hales, you don't want to know." I started to walk up the stairs. She chased after me and caught me before I walked into my bed room.  
  
"Its not that I want to, it's that I need to."  
  
We stood in the doorway to my room, silent. Looking around my room, I noticed my chair had been moved right next to my door. I was relieved that it was right there because when Hailey found out, she was going to need to sit do. One last deep breath entered in through my nose and then out through my mouth. The last breath before it was true. I always felt like if no one knew then it wouldn't be true. "I have leukemia." After seven years of living a lie, now I was living the truth.


	16. Meaning

_**Chapter 16...  
**_  
_"Meaning" _

_Gavin DeGraw _

_Situation candlelight  
  
Enough to see the bits around you  
  
But it's never very bright  
  
Stare at a memory  
  
You, through the grapevine, heard the truth  
  
It's good to learn from your mistakes  
  
But that only works in youth  
_  
For being so nervous, uptight, and well... sick, I was dressed to kill. Just because my life had changed from sort of sick to definitely sick didn't mean that I couldn't still dress to the nines. My James White stretch jeans hit so low on my hips that my protruding hip bones seemed to hang over the top. The satin camisole I was wearing was given to me as a gift on my last birthday. Lace trim on the bottom and around the neck line gave just the perfect hint of...something.  
  
At the bottom of my stairs, my new Manolo Blahnik pink and lime strappy mules awaited me as if they were prepared for a night of long dancing. I slid the first one on and before the second shoe could reach my foot, I watched my front door open. She stood in front of me dressed perfectly, if not better than me. Her upper half was dressed in a silk paisley print halter top while her lower half wore the Chip and Pepper mini that I had been dying to have since I saw it on television.  
  
"Shut up." I said, eccentrically pointing to the skirt that was on Brooke's body. "Where in God's green earth did you find that?"  
  
She shrugged her shoulders and sat next to me on the bottom step. "Ordered it." She tugged at the hem of her skirt and watched me put on my other shoe. "Are you kidding me?" She shrieked, grabbing the shoe out of my hand. "How much did you pay for these?"  
  
I shook my head, "Brooke," I took the shoe away from her, put it on, and stood up. "Since when do I buy anything?" Brooke shrugged her shoulders and I continued, "Daddy did. Thank goodness for credit cards."  
  
We both laughed and Brooke headed for the door. I held up one finger and walked into the kitchen. Grabbing my cell phone off of the kitchen table, I went back to where Brooke was. I threw my phone into my Paul Smith Swirl bag and went out the door. She followed after me, rummaging through her crocodile print purse. "There you are." She said pulling her car keys out from the bottom of the bag.  
  
After climbing into the front seat, I turned the music down and said, "Brooke there is something I have to tell you." I knew now was not the best time considering we were on the highway and the most spastic driver in the world was driving.  
  
"Shoot." She replied, switching from the left lane to the right.  
  
We pulled off the exit and headed down the road to Brooke's new favorite. I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell her. I made up a lie. "These shoes were five hundred dollars."  
  
Even though I had not told her the truth, Brooke still swerved off the road when she heard my comment. I could only dream of what she would do if I had told her the truth. "Five hundred." She pulled into the parking lot, turned off the car, and looked at me. "That is a load of money."  
  
I shrugged my shoulder and got out of the car. Brooke had the best ID in the world, so I followed her. No one would ever card either of us. Just as I suspected, no trouble. We walked into the club without anyone saying a word to us.  
  
Brooke headed over to the bar and ordered two Cosmopolitans, one for me and one for her. The bartender, who she knew, gave them to her on the house. She came back over to me, drinks in tow. "Here you are my dear." I took my drink from her and took a long sip. She did the same and said, "Okay, that's enough." She took me by the hand and led me onto the floor.  
  
After hours of shimming and shaking I decided to take a break. Once at the bar, I asked the man behind the counter for a glass of water. "You sure?" He asked, "No Cosmo, no long island, no nothing? Just water?"  
  
I nodded my head, which was now lowered into my hands. "Just water." I mumbled and slid the glass of water in my direction. Hearing footsteps behind me, I slowly lifted my head and turned around. A familiar face stood in front of me. The only reason I recognized her was because of Jake Jagielski. Her fingers ran through her black hair and spoke, "Well if it isn't little Madison Carter." She let out a small laugh, "I guess I haven't seen you in a while."  
  
I took a long sip of water and pushed the glass out of the way. "And Nicki I had missed you so much." I put my hands on her shoulders and she quickly shook them off. "What?" I stood up off of the bar stool. My balance was a little shaky so I decided to sit back down.  
  
"Cut the crap, Madison. You know why I am here." I grabbed a beer off the bar and took a drink.  
  
"Actually, Nicki, I don't have a clue why you are here."  
  
"Listen here missy, just because I have a baby doesn't mean that I don't want Lucas back. I may not have been here lately but I have heard all about you and Lucas' little love affair and trust me... I am not going to take this sitting down."  
  
"Obviously." I said, pointing up and down, "You are standing up."  
  
Nicki took one last swig from her beer bottle. "Not to sound cliché, but this is not the last of me you will be seeing."  
  
Rolling my eyes and watching her leave the bar, I called out to her, "Nice talking to you Nicki."  
  
I turned around to see where Brooke was. The life of the party herself was in the middle of about seven or eight guys. Over there heads, I could see her dainty hand waving in the motioning for me to come over. I jumped off of the stool and started to go over to her. On my way there I began to feel dizzy. Once I reached her, I grabbed her arm incase I fell down.  
  
"Hell, Madison, you look like... well, hell." She ran her hand over my head. "You are freezing." Her hand touched my arm which was drenched in sweat. "Madison, are you okay."  
  
Trying to answer, the only thing I could manage to say was, "Call Lucas."  
  
I watched Brooke pull her cell phone out from her purse and anxiously dial Lucas' number. The first time there was no answer but by the fourth call she got him. "Lucas, its Brooke. Listen, we are on the other side of town at the bar and Madison is really sick and I think she is about to pass out." There was a long pause and then Brooke closed her phone.  
  
I tried to speak but it was no luck. "He is comin' babe. Don't worry." I watched the bartender bring my water back over. "Here babe, drink some of this..." Brooke tried to get me to drink the water but I couldn't. She tried to keep my awake but I couldn't. I dozed on and off for the next ten minutes waiting for Lucas.  
  
"Where is she?" I heard a recognizable voice call out from the entrance to the bar. Finally, I thought to myself. I felt Lucas' arms under my body. He carried me out and laid me in his truck. He got in and laid my head onto his lap.  
  
Brooke knocked on his window and he quickly, manually rolled it down. "To the hospital?"  
  
He nodded and started the car. Once we finally reached the hospital, Lucas rushed me in. "Her name is Madison Carter." His voice was filled with nervousness, anticipation, and a slight sense of hope. As if in the back of his mind, he knew not to worry about me.  
  
The receptionist fiddled with her computer until she finally said, "Okay is she here for a check up?"  
  
Lucas looked at his watch, "At two in the morning on a Saturday night?"  
  
"Well Sir, Miss Carter has missed her last several appointments so don't get antsy with me. I didn't know."  
  
"Appointments?"  
  
"Yes, her WBC count is still too high for comfort and she knows what she has, so I don't know why she is doing this to herself."  
  
Lucas watched the doctor come and wheel Madison away. He continued speaking with the receptionist. "I'm not so sure I follow."  
  
"Miss Carter was diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia several years ago."


	17. Deeper

**_Chapter 17..._**

_ "Deeper" _

_Hanson _

_Every simple notion is poetry in motion  
Can't you see it's pushing me over the edge  
This wrecking ball you're holding  
Could crush the heart you've stolen  
I give you my devotion all over again_

There comes a time in everyone's life when they come to the realization that everything they do has consequences. As a child, you worry about nothing. Normal kids worry about whether or not to dig for worms and if they want Oreos or Chips Ahoy after their dinner. I worried about whether or not I had taken all my pills and if I had taken them, if I was going to live to the next agonizing day.  
  
For most of my life I had known that I was never going to be like everyone else. I also knew that if no one knew that I was sick, then they would treat me just like everyone else. As shallow as that may sound, that is what teenagers worry about...whether or not they are going to fit in and by living a lie, I fit in perfectly. I was an outstanding student and the girl who, as it seemed, could do no wrong.  
  
Man, were they off. My number one mistake was not telling Lucas. To me, my life felt like a bad teen drama. Girl falls for boy; girl doesn't tell boy secret, girl gets even sicker. Now it was my call. I had to make the next scene and it was going to make the whole movie perfect.  
  
Looking around my hospital room brought back hundreds of unwanted memories and a couple good ones. The main memory was when I got so sick the first time. I was so scared. No one knew what was wrong with me and as a ten year old child that was nerve-racking. As odd as it may sound, when they told me I was relieved. Although, with the bad came the good. I also thought of when Lucas came to see me after I broke my jaw. I was kicking my self for not telling him the truth. He was the only person in my life who had been there for me. He cared enough about me to visit me when I was hurt, not sleep with me when he knew I wasn't ready, but still I continued to push him away.  
  
As if he knew I was thinking about him, he walked in the door to my room. He smiled at me, but didn't speak. By the look on his face, I could tell he had so many questions to ask me that I was not prepared to answer. Even though I had been sick for so long, it felt like a new thing to me considering I have never told anyone or talked about it before.  
  
"Hey." I said, watching him sit in the chair diagonal from my bed. His hair was messy like he hadn't slept all night, which he probably hadn't. Lucas' red shirt matched the color of his tear streaked face. I pointed around the room and asked, "Remind you of anything?"  
  
He half-laughed, nodded and looked down at the tiled floor. After several silent minutes he looked back up, "Why didn't you tell me?" He ran his tanned fingers through his sandy blonde hair. His eyes became bluer as tears filled his eyes.  
  
I knew this would come sooner or later, I thought to myself as I covered my face with my hands. He spoke again as if he knew what was running through my head, "You can't hide from it anymore Madison."  
  
I looked up from behind my hands, "Please, Lucas, you don't understand so stop pretending like you do." I gradually became more upset through the moments of silence. Finally I broke it, "I just..." I looked up at the ceiling as if maybe I could see straight through the building and out to the sky, "All I ever wanted was to be normal." I looked at him and squinted my eyes, "I didn't tell anyone because I wanted... I didn't want anyone to treat me any different."  
  
He moved in his seat, as if he was contemplating getting up. He remained sitting and said, "I guess, all I wanted to know it why didn't you tell me?" I watched him lean forward in his seat, elbows on knees, and head in hands.  
  
"Because, because if I told then I knew that everything would change and..."  
  
"How do you know that?" He got closer to me. His hand reached out and touched my left arm.  
  
Part of me wanted to give in, and almost did. "I don't." I watched Lucas' mouth open to talk, but I began speaking before he could start. "But what if I told you? Everything would... nothing would be the same." My eyes filled again and I began to sob. I fell into his arms. "God, Lucas I am scared. I just... I can't lose you and of course I am scared of dying but I am more scared of losing you."  
  
He wiped the tears they were quickly falling from my eyes. "Don't worry. You won't lose me."  
  
My head shook at a speed that made it feel like any second it might fall off and roll onto the floor. "You say that now but later, when it gets hard..."  
  
"I'll still be there." He ran his hands over my head and down my face. His warm hands on my ice cold face felt better than it ever had. Lucas made me feel like there was nothing wrong with me. He made me feel healthy.  
  
Every inch of my body wondered what he was doing still with me. No one stuck around me for this long. Finally the tears stopped flowing thanks to Lucas, "Why are you still here?" I looked up at him my eyes meeting his, "Why are you so good to me?"  
  
A smile crept across his face. It was contagious, I smiled back at him. He crawled up on the bed with me, my body facing his. His warm lips met my forehead and he said, "Cause I love you." His thumb traced over the place where he kissed my head and he spoke again, "You know, everything really does happen for a reason."  
  
I watched him move off the bed and stand beside me. He reached behind his neck and unclasped his necklace. "If we weren't under the circumstances that we are in, I would never do this, but... call me crazy."He said shrugging his shoulders with a boyish grin. He knelt down on one knee and held out his necklace to me, "Will you marry me?"


	18. Fumbling Toward Ecstasy

**_Chapter 18..._**

_"Fumbling Toward Ecstasy" _

_Sarah McLachlan _

_All the fear has left me now _

_I'm not frightened anymore _

_It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh _

_It's my mouth that pushes out this breath _

_And if I shed a tear I won't cage it _

_I won't fear love_  
  
"Married! They're getting married! Please tell me you are joking!" Nicki shrieked as she shuffled around her two bedroom apartment. One room for her and the other for any night time guest she might be hosting. Although chances were slim to non that her visitor would be sleeping in a room other than hers.  
  
Her arms were flailing around, somewhat resembling a monkey or some other animal that might be found at a city zoo. Brooke followed close behind her, picking up random pieces of clothing that Nicki had dropped in preparation to do laundry. Sometimes Brooke felt like an accomplice, but other times she felt like she was Nicki's slave, like she was doing all the behind the scene work that was getting Nicki to the bad girl fame that Brooke so desperately longed for.  
  
Nicki dropped the pile of clothing onto a rug covering her hard wood floor. She put her hands on her hips, "I come all the way back here," She picked a glass off of the side table and prepared to throw it, "to find Lucas engaged to some...CLASS PRESIDENT!" She threw the glass at the television. The glass shattered into tiny pieces. Brooke rushed over to the mess and began to clean it up because, of course, that is what Nicki expected her to do.  
  
"This must be a joke. A hideous, cruel joke." She let out a small laugh and turned to Brooke, "Tell me you are joking." No answer. "Tell me you are joking!" She screamed at Brooke, who finally looked up from her work.  
  
"Not joking." She looked back down at the mess and picked up the final pieces. "Want to hear something else?"  
  
Reaching into her refrigerator, Nicki pulled out a pre-made martini and took one long drink. Finishing off the glass she said, "Sure, shoot." She tossed the glass into the sink and turned to Brooke, "I am sure it couldn't make the day any worse."  
  
"They aren't even having sex." Brooke said, under her breath as she tossed the remnants of the broken glass into the wastebasket. She watched Nicki stand up from behind the island in her small kitchen. A look of shock and disgust swept across her face.  
  
"Lucas Scott is with a girl who is not even putting out." From the cabinet, she pulled a bottle of tequila out. Opening it and taking a swig, she said, "This is all far too surreal for me. I leave for a couple months and he is with the virgin of virgins. That is a huge lower of standards after being with me."  
  
"Or rising depending on how you look at it." Nicki shot her a death stare from across the room. Brooke sat on the couch and turned on the television. Before she could get situated, Nicki spoke.  
  
"Are you coming to the laundry with me or not?" Brooke jumped off of the couch and picked the dirty clothes off of the floor. Whatever Nicki asked, Brooke did. That's just how it was.

* * *

"Miss Carter? Mr. Scott, I am sorry but visiting hours are over. Only members of the family may stay." A homely looking nurse said as she tapped Lucas on the shoulder. He had fallen asleep in Madison's room. When he was woken by the nurse, he noticed that Madison was still asleep.  
  
After deciding whether or not to address the fact that he was a member of the family considering she was his fiancée, he came to the conclusion to just leave the situation as is. Lucas stood up and made his way out of the room, hoping that Madison would wake up and say, "Don't go. He is my fiancé." She didn't and he continued out of the room.  
  
He went through magazine after magazine, really not even looking at them. All he could think about was her and how lucky he was to have finally met someone who cared about him the way she did. Whether she was health or not didn't matter to him. He was just happy to have spent the amount of time with her that he had. Of course he wished that everything would be okay in the end, but you just never know. One upon a time love stories usually don't contain a terminal illness. Snow white's biggest problem: dwarfs. Sleeping Beauty: sleep. Cinderella: her evil step mother and sisters. Madison: Leukemia.  
  
The nurse from before came toward Lucas. "She is asking for you." He stood up and she whispered in his ear, "I am really not supposed to do this, but she told me about your engagement." Her voice perked up and she continued, "So I just couldn't keep you two lovebirds away from one another."  
  
Lucas smiled at her comment and thought to himself, "Let's just hope something else doesn't come between us now."

* * *

Haley bit her lip as she stood behind the counter at the café. The clock only read twelve fifteen but she knew it had to be later. She twisted her brown hair in a knot and tossed it over her shoulder. Her fingers on the counter top started a rhythm that her left foot began to follow. Tap, tap, tap.  
  
Karen came up behind her, quietly. "You know Haley; you have never looked so desperate to leave before." She wiped off the wooden countertop and walked around the counter. She then began to clean off several other tables.  
  
"Its not that I am desperate to leave," Haley replied, continuing to bite her bottom lip. Once she felt blood, she moved her finger to her mouth. Damn, I did it again. She thought to herself. "Its just that, well, you know, Madison is in the hospital and I haven't heard from anyone since she got there."  
  
Looking up from the table, Karen nodded her head and said, "Well go see them. I will call Jake. I am sure he won't mind coming in and working for a couple hours." She walked back behind the counter and picked up the phone off of the wall, "He usually likes to get a few hours in anyways."  
  
Haley gave her a hug, grabbed her keys and headed out the door of the café.

* * *

"One more!" Dan Scott shouted as he threw the basketball in the direction of his son. Nathan had been shooting free throws for the past three hours. Nathan shot once more and Dan called out, "Damnit Nathan. Until you can make 100 in a row there is no way in hell you are leaving this court."  
  
As a child, Nathan thought it would be a cool idea to have your own basketball court at your house. That was until he found out he lived with the Adolf Hitler of Tree Hill Basketball. "No Scott of mine is going to be anything less that perfect at basketball." Dan would say as he walked around the basketball court, both eyes on Nathan.  
  
"Shit dad, all I want to do is go see Haley. She called me. She wants me to go to the hospital with her." Nathan said, resting the ball on his hip.  
  
"Haley?" Dan asked as he picked a loose ball off of the ground. "Who's that?"  
  
"My girlfriend you old asshole and Madison, her best friend and my brother's girlfriend is in the hospital."  
  
"Oh, that's a relief. I thought you got this Haley character pregnant and she wanted you to go to the clinic with her or something." He pointed to the basketball in Nathan's arms and then pointed up at the goal. "Shoot."  
  
"You are such a bastard." Nathan said throwing the ball as hard as he could at his father. "Here's the ball." He started to walk back in the house through the back door. "You can do whatever the hell you want to do with it. Shove it up your ass for all I care."

* * *

Peyton Sawyer was laying on Jake Jagielski's couch when he got the phone call to go in to work. Jenny, Jake's daughter, sat on Peyton's chest any played with her silver necklace. "Wasn't Haley working?" She asked, slowly sitting up as to make sure Jenny wouldn't fall off. He nodded. "What was she doing that was so important that she had to leave?"

Peyton swung her legs over the edge of the couch and sat the baby next to her. Jake walked behind the couch and kissed the two girls on the head. "Haley had to go to the hospital."

Concerned, she asked, "Is she okay? Whats wrong? Do I need to go?"

Jake ran his hand over her head and reached deep into his pockets for his keys, "Its not Hailey.."

"Is it Nathan? Lucas?" She stood up from the couch, picked up Jenny, and followed Jake to the door. "I have to go."

"It's Madison."

"Madison?"

"She has leukemia."

"Oh my god." Peyton fell into the chair diagonal from the couch. "I can't believe it. I feel so stupid. Like I should have known."

"Don't feel bad," He said, "No one knew. Not even Lucas."

"Is she going to be okay? When, how did they find out?"

"Hopefully and I don't know." He kissed Peyton once more, this time on the lips and kissed his daughter on the forehead. "Bye girls. I will be home later."

Peyton nodded and watched Jake leave the house. She couldn't believe it. One of her best friends was dying and all she was doing was sitting around. What a pathetic friend she was.


	19. My Immortal

Chapter 19...

"My Immortal"

Evanescence

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me  
  
Everyone was there. The hospital room was full. She was too sick to leave so when Lucas and Madison decided it was time for the wedding, the wedding had to come to her. She looked down at the white robe she was dressed in. "Not exactly the white I was hoping for," She ran her hands over the robe and let her feet dangle over the bed, "But I guess that it's going to have to work."  
  
Lucas and Jake took her by the arms and helped her off the bed. They had tried to tell her to just do it while she was still in the bed, but she refused saying that she wanted it "to be as normal as possible". She hadn't been out of the bed in days that was until now. She asked herself what she was doing, but then she would answer I am doing what I need to do.  
  
Knowing that this was her last chance to make something of her life scared her. She had hoped her whole life to have a huge family, a farm, a white picket fence, and the whole nine yards. Now here she was getting married at 17 because she was running out of time. There would be no time for the kids, the house, or the fence. Her heart ached just thinking about it.  
  
She leaned against the end of the bed waiting for a wheelchair. When Nathan came in wheeling the chair in front of him, Madison kissed him on the cheek and winked at him. She sat down in the chair and Lucas pushed her toward the hospital chapel. Peyton, Nathan, Haley, Jake and baby Jenny in his arms followed. Madison looked back at them and asked Lucas, "Where is Brooke? I wanted her to be here."  
  
Lucas shrugged his shoulders and entered the chapel. The pastor stood at the front. Everyone took their seats. Lucas pushed her up to the front of the chapel. He shook the pastor's hand, as did Madison.  
  
Looking around, the pastor smiled. "Looks like a good group of friends." Lucas and Madison looked back at their friends, smiling. They turned back to the pastor who began. "Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to witness the union of this man and woman in the eternal bonds of matrimony." Lucas and Madison turned to one another and smiled. Lucas was beaming. "This is a very special moment in both of their lives. Madison and Lucas have known one another for so long and have made each other who they are today. Through marriage, Lucas and Madison make a commitment to one another to face their disappointments, embrace their dreams, realize their hopes, and accept each other's failures. Lucas and Madison will promise one another to aspire to these ideals throughout their lives together, through mutual understanding, openness, and sensitivity to each other."  
  
Madison looked Lucas in the eyes and said to him, "This is real." He nodded and she said, "We are doing this." Tears began to fall down her face.  
  
"Do you Lucas Scott take Madison Carter to be your wife? Will you love her, comfort her, for richer for poorer, through sickness and in health," Lucas gave Madison a smile and began to cry at the last comment made by the pastor realizing that each day he was with her could be his last, "for better for worse, in sadness and in joy, until death do you part?"  
  
Madison wiped Lucas' face and he replied, "I will." He slid the ring onto her finger. She looked down at it and smiled at him, quickly wiped her own eyes.  
  
"And do you Madison Carter take Lucas Scott to be you husband? Will you love him, comfort him, for richer for poorer, through sickness and in health, for better for worse, in sadness and in joy, until death do you part?"  
  
She took at deep breath, realizing what she was about to do, "I will." She placed the ring on his finger. It was real now, they were really married.  
  
"And so, by the power vested in me by the State of North Carolina and Almighty God, I now pronounce you man and wife, and may your days be good and long upon the earth."  
  
Lucas and Madison were beaming, looking at each other with looks of love that no one in the world could imagine. Lucas looked at the pastor, waiting for the next words to come out of his mouth.  
  
"Okay, well Lucas, you may now kiss your bride."  
  
He leaned over and pressed his lips against hers. She so desperately wanted to stand, but the weakness of her body just wouldn't allow it. Lucas pulled her up out of the wheel chair and carried her out of the chapel. Everyone followed them out, Haley pushing the wheelchair.  
  
Haley's face was red. Peyton's eyes were tear filled as were Jake's and even Nathan's. "I am so happy. Oh my god, Madison I couldn't be any happier for you right now." Haley said embracing Madison who was still in Lucas' arms.  
  
He sat her back in the chair and Peyton squatted in front of her. "I know I have been a real shitty friend Maddie, but I love you like you are my own blood and I am so damn happy for you right now I can hardly stand it." She embraced her and whispered in her ear, "I guess if you want those twenty kids, you better get started."  
  
She pulled away and watched the tears swell up in Madison's eyes. Nathan looked over at them, "What the hell did you say?" Nathan hugged Madison, "What's wrong?"  
  
"All I said was something about kids." Jake hit Peyton on the arm.  
  
"Why would you say that Peyton? You know how badly she wants kids and she can't have any right now."  
  
"Will you please stop reminding me!" Madison screamed, "Damnit just because I am dying doesn't mean I am deaf. This is supposed to be the happiest time in my life..." She began sobbing and dropped her head, "Why the hell am I so damn depressed?" All the anger had welled up in her body and was now erupting, "God!" She looked at her friend and yelled, "I just wish I could be normal. That is why I never told you all. I was scared; I was scared that this would happen."  
  
"Come on Madison, we need to go back to the room." Haley said pushing her back toward the room. Once she was in, Haley spoke again, "Madison, no one is trying to make you upset." She put her arm under Madison back, trying to help her back into the bed.  
  
Madison pulled herself up into her bed and said, "Hales I know, but no one understands the position I am in right now." She put her hands behind her head. "All I want to do it grow old." She smiled at the thought of being seventy and sitting on the porch in rocking chair watching her grandchildren playing in the yard. "I just want to have a family. I want to have the things that I missed out on in my life. I want to be a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a pet owner. I know it all sounds so simple but I want it so badly. I will be lucky if I even get to live to be able to buy cigarettes, nevertheless buy baby diapers."  
  
"Don't talk like that Madison. That isn't true." Haley said, trying to reassure her friend.  
  
"No, Haley, I am just trying to be realistic. Ask my doctors, ask anyone, and they will tell you that I am dying." The tears began to fall again. She had become accustomed to the salty taste in her mouth. "Haley I cry myself to sleep every night thinking about the things I missed and the things I am going to miss. I am going to miss you and talking to you about everything under the sun. I am going to miss shopping with Brooke for clothes that neither of us need. I am going to miss always burning macaroni and cheese with Peyton, watching scary movies, and watching Jenny with her. I am going to miss arguing with Nathan over the best beers and whether or not you can get pulled over for having a missing tail light. I am going to miss Jake, the most logically and caring person I know only behind Lucas." She tried to wipe the tears away, "God. I am going to miss him so much. He is my life and I don't know what I did before him. I wish that I could give him everything I know he deserves." Now she was bawling and could hardly speak, "But I know I can't and I hate myself for letting him fall in love with me."  
  
"You couldn't stop him from falling in love with you Madison." Now Haley was crying. "He was going to do whatever his heart told him to do and whether that was falling for you or falling for someone else didn't matter. But he did fall in love with you. Madison, Lucas is the happier now than I have ever seen him."  
  
"I know, but what happens later on when he is alone and it is all my fault?"  
  
Haley crawled up on the bed with Madison and cuddled up next to her. "I wish I knew what to tell you Maddie, but I don't." She gave her a friendly kiss on her cheat. She tasted the salt from the ongoing tears falling from Madison's face. "Here we go again with our talks."  
  
Madison began to cry again, "God, I am going to miss everyone so much that I can't even stand it. I mean I am worried about my parents but they have basically lived without me for seventeen years now, but you all," Haley joined in on the tears once more, "I hate to leave you guys. You are all my soul mates and I feel so damn lucky to have had you in my life." She looked down at the ring that was placed on her hand. She looked at Haley and said, "Please just take care of him for me, you know what he deserves. I will be watching, but there is won't be anything I can do."  
  
Haley nodded and said, "How can you do this?"  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Live like this?"  
  
"Haley I have been living in fear for half of my life." She wiped her nose on her hand and continued, "It is weird, but right now I am the least scared I have been in a long time. I don't know if it is the fact that I have come to terms with everything or if it is the fact that this is the first time that I have ever talked about it." She ran her fingers through her hair and said, "Whatever it is, I don't know. I still am scared about everything, but not as much."  
  
She looked down at her ring once more and looked at Haley, "Will you get Lucas? I want to talk to him?"  
  
Haley nodded at her and said, "Yeah. Be right back."  
  
"Love you Hales."  
  
Haley looked back at her and said, "Love you took Maddie."  
  
When Lucas entered the room, Madison was already asleep. For the first time, Lucas didn't go over to her to tell her good night and kiss her on the cheek. He said, "I love you" to her from the door and closed it. He looked at Haley and said, "She is asleep, I didn't want to wake her."  
  
Haley nodded and took Nathan by the hand. Everyone left, and for the first night, Lucas didn't sleep there. He left and went back to his house to sleep in his own bed for the first night in months.


	20. Learning To Breathe

**_"Learning To Breathe"_**  
**Switchfoot**  
_Hello, good morning, how you do?  
What makes your rising sun so new?  
I could use a fresh beginning too  
All of my regrets are nothing new  
So this is the way that I say I need you  
This is the way that I'm  
Learning to breathe  
I'm learning to crawl  
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall  
I'm living again, awake and alive  
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies  
Hello, good morning, how you been?  
Yesterday left my head kicked in  
I never, never thought that  
I would fall like that  
Never knew that I could hurt this bad  
So this is the way I say I need you  
This is the way that I say I love you  
This is the way that I say I'm yours  
This is the way, this is the way  
_

The weather was as fitting as it tended to be. Life handed them tragedy and Mother Nature gave them the weather to match. It had always been like this. The rain pitter-pattering on the window next to him was reminiscent of the tears which poured from his ice colored eyes. Looking around the room, everything was gone. The room that once looked like a spring garden now looked like a room in an insane asylum. The all too happy print on the walls in the frigid room sent chills down his spine.  
  
Remembering what happened in the room the night before made him want to throw up. He missed her already. How could he not? He had become a Newlywed and a Widower all in the last twenty four hours. Wiping his eyes, he lowered his head into his hands. He stood up and ran his hands over the empty bed, remembering her everything about her. Her little imperfections. Her different colored eyes, the freckle on the end of her nose, the way she ran her fingers through her hair when she was getting nervous or when she was calming down. He missed her, all of her.  
  
He couldn't stand it any longer. Finally, after months of loving her and weeks of knowing that she could leave him at any moment, he broke down. He fell to his knees next to the bed where she had been for so long. He heard a knock from the door and then a voice, "Hey." The voice said quietly.  
  
Lucas looked up to see Haley standing in the doorway. He gave her a half hearted smile. She walked toward him and knelt down. The fact that she said nothing was more comforting to him then anything she could have ever said. She put her hand over top of his and squeezed it. He fell into her arms. She still said nothing but let him cry into her shoulder as he had done for her so many times before.  
  
He thought about what she had said to him repeatedly, "Everything happens for a reason". It's hard to believe that now, he thought to himself. Pulling away from Haley he said, "I just feel so stupid right now."  
  
She ran her hand over his back, "Why would you say that Lucas?"  
  
"I just feel like there was so much more that I could have done, like somewhere along the line I wasted my precious time that I had with her." He said trying to stand, "There is so much I wish I had told her."  
  
Haley stood and took his hand again, "Lucas, trust me she knew everything that she needed to know."  
  
The pair walked out of the room. Lucas looked back, wondering if maybe this was all a bad dream. He closed his eyes tightly and slowly opening them. Hoping that he would soon wake up from this nightmare and she would be standing in front of him. Health and happy. That was all he ever wanted for her.  
  
Walking out of the hospital, he felt like he was leaving her. He wished that he could just start over, but he couldn't. Nathan, Peyton, and Jake stood outside the hospital. Nathan was cross armed, Peyton couldn't look up at him, and Jenny was in Jake's arms, crying as if she knew what had just happened.  
  
"Listen, Lucas, I'm really..." Peyton started to say, putting her hand on his arm.  
  
He shrugged her arm off and said, "I really... just don't want to talk about this right now."  
  
Peyton nodded and stepped back. Jake kicked a rock and looked up, "Okay... um," He didn't know what to say. No one did. What was there to be said? It was a sticky situation. There was nothing to be said. "I am parked over here." Jake said pointing toward his car, "I don't know who drove but I can take who ever."  
  
It started again. The familiar tears started to fall once more. "I should have been more understanding." He paused and sat down on the bench next to the doors. "Then maybe she would have told me and she would have gotten the help that she needed."  
  
"Luke, there was nothing you could have done."  
  
"Damnit Nathan. There was. There was so much that I could have done." He threw his hat to the ground. Why couldn't hats be heavier so that when you throw them you could get some anger out? He thought to himself. "God bless." He leaned over and picked the hat up. Placing it on his head he said, "I loved her so much."  
  
"She loved you too, you know Lucas." Haley said, sitting down next to her friend on the bench.  
  
Everyone was quiet. Again, there was nothing to be said. Jake put his arm around Peyton and pulled her close to him. In his other arm was Jenny who had just stopped crying. Haley leaned her head on Lucas shoulder. Nathan shoved his hands into his pockets and said, "Well... what do we do now?"  
  
Peyton shrugged her shoulders, "Not to sound to cliché but what do you think Madison would have wanted to do Lucas?"  
  
"Yeah," Jake said, "If Madison was getting out of the hospital right now, what would she have wanted to do?"  
  
Haley cringed, hoping that what Jake had just said would not upset Lucas. She looked at him and he raised his head. He looked at his friends and said, "Either go to the café or to the beach."  
  
Peyton smiled and said, "She did love the beach." She laughed, "remember when we beat you all at volleyball?"  
  
They laughed and Nathan said, "Jake's foot was hurt."  
  
"No, no," Haley said standing up and walking toward Nathan. He put his arm around her waist, "When Peyton thought she got stung by a jellyfish, that was classic."  
  
Nathan watched Lucas smile and said, "Seriously Peyton, that was just about the stupidest thing you have ever done."  
  
She squinted her eyes at him, "Right like you have never done anything stupid."  
  
"Yeah Nate," Lucas said, finally entering the conversation, "Remember ...the boat."  
  
"Oh Jesus," Haley squealed, "He probably doesn't remember it." She lowered her head onto her husband's shoulder, "He was a little drunk and was a little busy trying to figure out how he broke it to remember everything that was going in the boat." She ran her fingers through her hair and said, "I am going to quote Madison on this one, 'Let's just say Nathan Scott is not the smartest guy in the world no matter how many times he get tutored, but he can do a lefty lay up better than anyone out here."  
  
Lucas laughed and took a deep breathe. He stood up and said, "Let's get out of here." He twirled his wedding ring around his finger, "I don't exactly know what she would have wanted us to do but I know she wouldn't want us to sit around here."  
  
"Where to?" Jake asked as he followed Peyton to his car.  
  
"Lets go to the café first, then we can go do whatever." Lucas said as he walked toward his car.  
  
Nathan watched him, "That's a pretty damn good parkin' place."  
  
"That's what I got for being here everyday for the past month." Lucas opened his driver's side door and climbed in. He fiddled with his ring and started his car. The radio was playing quietly in the background. He reached into his pocket to make sure he had his wallet. He had been leaving it in Madison's hospital room and was not used to having it in his pocket. He pulled it out and opened it. Out fell a little, folded up piece of paper. It was a note. He unfolded it and began reading.  
  
_Lucas,   
By the time you are reading this I might be gone, I am not sure. I have never been sure when I was leaving, but now I think is the time. I am so thankful for you and everything that you have brought into my life. You are my soul mate, my husband and my best friend and I hope that for the rest of your days you think about me. I promise on everything that I will be watching you and your every move so don't do anything too stupid. I told Haley everything that you will ever need to know so if there is ever a time when you have a question, just ask her. Just remember this, don't have any regrets because everything happens for a reason. I love you dearly.   
Love Always and Forever Maddie_  
  
A smile crept across his face. He looked behind him to see Jake and Nathan's cars waiting on him. He rolled down his passenger side window. Nathan yelled at him, "You ready?"  
  
Lucas nodded and said, "Yeah sorry." He rolled the window back up and put his wallet back into his pocket. He looked up and said, "Everything does happen for a reason, that's the one thing I know." He put his car in reverse and followed his friends. His terrible day had just gotten a lot better. As if it knew, the sky opened up, clouds parted making room for the warm sun. He smiled and said, "Thanks. I needed that."


	21. Epilogue

**Author Note:** This takes place ten years after Madison's death. Lucas is married and has two kids...

* * *

Epilogue: One Thing I Know

* * *

"Conrad, tell daddy about your school day." I said as I scrubbed the bottom of the skillet that I had cooked our dinner in. Lucas looked at me from the living room and held up the remote at me. "I am sure he could turn his attention toward you and away from the basketball game for five minutes." I clinched my teeth together and said, "Right honey."

Lucas narrowed his eyes at me and I felt like yelling at him. His grouchiness I had become accustomed too, but when he looked at me like that there was no getting used to it. Some days were worse than others. Today was the worst I had ever seen him. It was the anniversary of her death.

Part of me felt like I could never make Lucas feel like he felt when he was with her. That was the part of me that cried myself to sleep. Conrad and Ally would see me crying and wonder what was wrong. They were still too young to understand the truth, so I would tell them I was cutting onions and they would run off and play again as if nothing had ever happened in the first place.

The other part of me had come to the realization that I was not Lucas' true love. Although the thought of that depressed me more than anything in the world, I knew that it was more than likely true.

Sometimes I wished I could have met her, just to see what she was like. Obviously she and Lucas were perfect together. His first wife. His one true love. I occasionally heard Lucas talking about her over the phone to different friends. Mainly Haley. I was sometimes jealous of her, but in a totally different way.

The phone rang and I watched Lucas to see if he would even budge. He didn't. Pulling off my glove and setting it next to the sink, I picked up the phone. "Hello?"

The other line was muffled and I strained to comprehend what was being said over the other end of the phone. "Aerin...and Lucas... gravesite...9:15...please..."

I couldn't tell who was speaking nor could I decipher what was being said. "Who is this?" I asked, confused with the whole situation.

Lucas looked away from the wide screen television and over at me. I shrugged my shoulders and him and shook my head. He looked back to the screen as if nothing had happened. He did that sometimes.

After the honeymoon, two kids, and seven years later the perfectness of our relationship had worn off. I wasn't his princess anymore. I was like a job, just another thing he had to do on his daily check list. I asked myself where I went wrong. When did I say something I shouldn't have or do something that he didn't like? Then I realized it what when he understood that I wasn't her.

I closed my eyes and remembered they way things were before I knew about her, before I knew I was second best. Before I realized that I was running a race that I was never capable of winning.

My thoughts were interrupted by not only my daughter, Ally, tugging at the knee of my velour track pants, but also by the voice on the phone. "Aerin...it's me..." Oh like that is going to help, I thought to myself. "It's Peyton."

I unknowingly nodded my head and Lucas stared at me. "Oh, Peyton. I'm so sorry, it's been one of those nights." She laughed as if I was joking. I wasn't. She had no idea about my nights.

Nights full of arguments and threats of leaving filled my evenings. Lucas and I would go outside to argue to make sure Ally and Conrad didn't hear us. To them, and to everyone around us, we were the perfect family. I was the stay at home mom who always had the cookies ready for the kids when they got home and Lucas was the father who would do anything for anyone, other than his own wife of course.

I wanted to move. He wanted to stay. I wanted another child. He wished we hadn't had any.

Now I am not asking for a pity party here, I just want people to realize that its hard being Aerin Scott. Sure, Lucas is a successful business man and we are in no way poor but opposed to popular belief there is more to life than money.

If I could buy happiness, trust me, I would.

I looked down at Ally, and picked her up. She was her father made over. She ran her tiny hands over my face and I smiled at her, feeling as if it was Lucas who was touching me.

We didn't even sleep in the same room. Most nights I slept with Ally in her new "big girl bed", partly because she was scared but mostly because I couldn't stand to hear Lucas bitch at me all night about, "you don't even understand how lucky you are to just stay at the house all day... you don't even know how lucky you are to be alive right now..."

When he would start his "appreciate life" speech I would have to say "Spare me" and leave. In seven years of marriage I had the speech memorized and I definitely didn't need to hear it again. When it was over we would always end up fighting, again, mainly about Madison.

"So, Aerin if you and Lucas could just come...it would be nice..." I heard Peyton say. Her voice sounded fragile, but I didn't ask what was wrong. She didn't ask about my personal problems so why should I?

I agreed and hung up the phone. Walking into the living room, Lucas spoke. "Who was on the phone?"

"Peyton." I said, as I sat down on the couch.

"What did she want?" Lucas asked me without even looking away from the basketball game.

"She wants us..."

My statement was interrupted by Lucas, "Oh my god!" He jumped out of his recliner and threw his arms into the air. Conrad did the same, mimicking his father. I smiled and winked at Conrad, who giggled and sat back down. "Did you see that?"

Excited, Conrad said, "I saw it dad, I saw it. That was awesome. I bet I can do that."

Conrad adored his father just as much or more than any little boy I had ever seen. He loved everything about him like his basketball abilities and especially the fact that he could have played for the NBA.

Lucas looked over at Conrad with loving eyes. Ally crawled off my lap and onto Lucas'. She nuzzled her head into his neck. Tears slowly swelled up into my eyes wishing that Lucas would look at me, again, the way he looked at his children.

He turned to me as a tear drop fell to the couch. I stood up and walked into the kitchen. "Where're you going?" He asked me.

I heard the recliner close and footsteps behind me. "I have dishes to do."

Lucas was in the kitchen now. He stood directly behind me. "Do you have to do them now?"

I put my hands into the full, soapy sink water and started scrubbing. The tears were falling into the water. My voice crackled, "They have to get done."

He put his hands on my hips and I sighed. "Conrad can do them."

I shook my head, "No I don't want to make him do that."

"Come on, Aerin, just let him I am sure he won't mind."

I surrendered and let him call Conrad, "Conrad, come in here and finish these dishes for mommy."

Our six year old son waltzed into the kitchen thrilled to help out his father. "What do I do?" He asked, excited.

A three year old Ally wobbled into the kitchen and I picked her up. "Look Al, bubba's doin' the dishes." Conrad said to his younger sister.

She smiled at him and said, "I love bubbles."

I dipped my finger into the water and put the bubbles on my finger. Ally reached for them and I put them on her nose. She laughed and I looked over at Lucas who was standing behind Conrad who stood on a stool.

I looked over at the clock, 9:00. "Lucas, we are supposed to go to the gravesite in fifteen minutes."

He looked over at me and shook his head, "No."

Confused, I asked, "Don't you want to?"

He ran his hands over Conrad and then Ally's heads and said, "No. Lets say here."

The dishes were done and we all stood in the kitchen. "Who wants to watch a movie?" Lucas asked.

"Ohhh!! Me me!" Ally cried as she ran into the living room.

"Ally, let me help you pick..." Conrad said as he opened the movie cabinet.

Lucas kissed me on the forehead and I smiled. It was the first real smile I had had in a long time and Lucas knew it. "Looks good on ya." He said, placing his lips atop mine.

"How about that movie?" I said to him, taking his hand in mine.

He led me into the living room where we watched the classic Finding Nemo for the twenty third time that week. But I didn't mind, I was just glad to be with them.

**Author Note: **What did you think? Please please tell me, I love reviews! :)


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